Over the last week or two I figured out what my problem is. The symptoms are that for the last month I haven’t felt like doing much. I come home in the evenings and just play computer games or read Facebook sites or…similar things.

I didn’t think it was burnout. I completed Operation Lotus Sunday in late May, and did all the publishing things by mid-June and had it up for sale. The before the end of June I had “Kicking Stones” polished and published and “Charley Delta Delta” written and ready for the critique group. I have multiple projects I could move on to next. One of them, a professional essay on learning, is written and half-edited.

Writer’s block wasn’t the problem either, as the ideas are flowing, and any time I did sit down to write the words flowed well. And my lethargy, if that’s the right word, spilled over into other areas. I quit checking the mail for bills, or checking my bill pile for what was due. I quit updating my financial spreadsheet, which was months behind. And at work I quit doing a number of the routine things I’m responsible for, focusing instead on the non-routine things. And I came close to quitting blogging, and updating my Facebook author page.

My problem wasn’t that I couldn’t do what I needed to do, it’s that I didn’t want to do what I needed to do.

Then it finally hit me: I was in a state of rebellion. Not against authority, but against responsibility. I was thinking of the carefree days of youth. I had been diligent for so long in all my work areas (home, office, writing), church, health, etc. that I was tired of being responsible. So I let all my responsibilities go, except I did keep working on getting to a point of better health.

I came on this realization over the last three weeks. To pull out of my rebellion I’ve been slowly ramping up my activities. I wrote a series of blog posts here last week (or maybe it was the week before), and did some posts on my other blog. That felt good to be writing again. Next I tackled my household financial spreadsheet. I managed to get caught up on expense and income entries last weekend, though I still have distribution and balancing to do. And tonight I verified that all checkbook entries are in the register and added the balance. So I think I have a better grasp on finances now.

At work I began to get back to doing those routine things. The last two days have been good as I got caught up on a bunch of training records, getting completion certificates out and managing our on-line training subscription. All that is pretty much up to date, and tomorrow I can tackle some other things.

With those off my mind, I can turn to the responsibility of ordering books to send to my launch team, and for selling by hand. I have a few people who want to buy them. And then I can turn to completing the essay and making an informed decision on what writing project to jump into next.

I’d love to write more, but I’m out of time if I’m going to be responsible about doing all that I must do, so I will end this. While at the doc’s office today I wrote out a schedule of blog posts for both blogs. I have the next two weeks covered, so you should see me here more often.