Searching For A Metaphor

It’s approaching 6:00 p.m. on Sunday as I’m writing this, taking a moment away from working on my novel to work on this post. It’s been a busy weekend. My wife is still away, in Oklahoma City, on grand-baby #4 arrival watch. Due date is still more than a week away, but his brothers and sister all came early, so she went up early, and will be there a while after the birth. My mother-in-law is also away, visiting her relatives and friends in southwest Kansas. She won’t be back till around Oct. 3 or 4. So it’s just me in the house.

I’m in The Dungeon, which is where most of my serious writing takes place. After Life Group, church, buying a sandwich and fries from Arby’s, making a quick stop at the Neighborhood Market for something I forgot yesterday, and dropping recyclables off, I got home to the empty house. I ate my lunch while channel jumping between NFL football games that really didn’t interest me and one of the Star Wars movies, which some channel is showing over and over again this weekend. Then I went to The Dungeon to write. I could tell, however, as I started, that I would have difficulty adding coherent words to Preserve The Revelation, so I decided to go to the couch in the nearby family room and take a nap.

My nap lasted a little less than an hour, but I woke up with greater powers of concentration. I guess I was wiped out from Saturday’s labors. While I was working on Saturday it didn’t seem like I was working very hard. Oh, I was getting things done. I went to Wal-Mart early for groceries and building project materials. I removed cut branches and pulled vines from the front and back yard to the forest; worked on the flower garden project in the front yard, getting the edging blocks in place (I think; I may yet modify the layout a little, but it will be minor). Then I came inside and set up a new shelf unit in the storage room, to replace the old, old computer table which took up a lot of room but didn’t have all that much storage capacity. I’m not looking for more room to store more stuff we’ll just have to get rid of some day, but I want a neat storeroom, and the computer desk was frustrating those effort.

All that done, I fixed a salad for lunch, then went to The Dungeon to write. But, I was so exhausted from the work I’d done, I couldn’t write. I added a few words to the novel, but knew I wasn’t going to make major production as I’d hoped. So I searched YouTube for a medley of my favorite oldies, and spent a few afternoon hours just listening to some girl group songs and doo-wop. Then it was drive to town to the church to set up stairs for today’s worship service, then home to cook supper, then to study to teach Life Group lesson, while doing laundry, then to drop into bed and sleep the sleep of the dead for seven hours.

What, you ask, does all of this have to do with the title of the post, “Searching for a Metaphor”? Perhaps it’s a weak connection, but I have been searching for a metaphor for my writing for a while. As I read other people’s writing, such as Mark Twain’s short stories, or Thomas Carlyle’s non-fiction, I find them to be rich in metaphor. As I look back on my own writing, especially my poems, I know the ones that are best are those which are rich in metaphor. My poems of late, alas, have been more focused around imagery, not metaphor. Images are important too, but I think metaphor is a higher use of language.

I look out The Dungeon windows. The tall oaks are swaying, so it much be windy outside. Now they’ve stopped, so obviously it’s intermittent wind. There they go again. Dusk has come upon us, plus, it’s cloudy. We were supposed to have rain this afternoon, but it has never come.  I find no metaphor in the trees, however; nor in the lack of rain, the busyness of the weekend, the usefulness of a nap, or the significance of writing with good, solid production.

I wrote a poem on Friday. It started out as a haiku, based on the eastern sky during my morning commute. This is often a time that inspires a haiku. However, I wanted to make a little more out of the poem. The tanka poetic form takes a haiku and expands it by two lines. It’s supposed to have only more information on images already presented, not present new images. Friday evening I worked on it, being just a few words short of the complete tanka. In the evening I was able to add those lines. But the tanka, while probably not too bad, is not a metaphor.

Alas, I will keep searching. Perhaps by the time winter comes, I’ll have much less work to do around the house and property, and will be able to quiet my mind for a while, and train myself to think in metaphors, instead of, at best images, or at worse to-do and to-purchase lists. One can always hope.

Staying Busy

I’m a day late with this post. The last two months, since I established my Monday and Friday posting schedule, I normally try to write my Monday post on the weekend, or at worst on Monday morning before the start of my workday. I’ve missed a couple of times, but I’ve been doing better about regular posting.

This weekend, however, I did nothing concerning a post. By the end of Sunday I realized that, but it was too late in the day to write it. I decided I’d do it Monday. Monday came and went, and alas, I did nothing on it. Shame on me. I’ll do better going forward.

So what’s keeping me so busy that I didn’t do my blog post? On Saturday it was first work around the house, followed by writing on Preserve The Revelation. The house work included a major cleaning job on the refrigerator, thinning the blackberry vines, cutting a lot of low hanging branches, and weeding in our back yard. I also had chair set-up at church, and trips to Wal-Mart and Home Depot. Sunday was Life Group and church, followed by lunch at a community event. That put me home around 1:45 p.m. I should have written.

Instead, I began work on the print cover of In Front of Fifty Thousand Screaming People, using G.I.M.P. to assemble the graphics. As always, G.I.M.P. defeated me. I was able to create a palette the size of the cover, and add and size the front and back covers. But on the back cover I needed to hide three corporate logos. I had planned how to do this, and got two done quite easily. However, when it came to the third one, I stalled. I was using the same procedure as for the first two: cover it with an opaque layer. Only on this one I had to add text. Somehow the layer that is the back cover was deselected, and I couldn’t add the opaque circle. Without the circle, the text was meaningless. I worked more than three hours on it, and finally quit in frustration. I went back to Wal-Mart to pick up one thing I hadn’t the day before, then spent the evening reading.

Yesterday was the normal busyness of work and house. In the evening I went to The Dungeon, intending on writing. But there, on my work table, was the box of photos from our time in Kuwait, with several batches of photos out on the table. I had dug into the box last Wednesday to select some photos to scan and post on Thursday. In the box I found batches of photos not in envelopes, hence not matched with their negatives. I decided getting those photos matched was a better use of my time than writing. I don’t say that facetiously, either. Some day we’ll pass those photos on to our children, and having them properly organized is critical. It was a good use of my time—not that I finished, but I made significant progress. But by the time 9:00 p.m. came I wanted to be about my evening reading. No time to write the blog.

So here I am on Tuesday, writing Monday’s post, and it’s about nothing but why I didn’t write on Monday. But it lets my few readers know what’s going on in my world.

Since the weekend, one of my cover designers contacted me, saying he’d done work on it. We discussed it. Hopefully he’ll complete it very soon. In case not, I’ve contacted a third cover designer and am in discussions with her. Today I sent off a letter to an influencer, a seminary professor, concerning Doctor Luke’s Assistant and things he’s written that dovetail nicely with it. This is by snail mail, as the seminary doesn’t post faculty e-mails. We’ll see what comes of it.

Tonight, when the work day is through, I plan on staying about an hour after to do some research and typing on our fact internet and computer. When I get home, I have one small task to do in the yard, then I’ll heat some soup for supper, and descend to The Dungeon. No photos tonight. I need to add at least 1,000 words tonight, and 3,000 in total, before I will allow myself to return to those photos and finish that big task. I’m looking forward to it.

It rains! It rains!

Today, Friday, we are having band after band of thunderstorms pass over us here in Bentonville. As I’ve mentioned before, I like the rain; it does my heart good. So, on a Friday afternoon, I’m upbeat. I have completed a number of miscellaneous tasks this week, including today, and am ready for the weekend. If the storms continue (as, I believe, they are forecast to do), I shall read and write, file and discard, clean and organize to my heart’s content. If the rain holds off, I have plenty of outside work to occupy my time.

My writing work has been slowly progressing of late. I add a little every now and then to Preserve The Revelation. I do the same to Thomas Carlyle: A Chronological Bibliography of Compositions. Almost every day I review and add to my Bible study titled “Entrusted to My Care”, which we are scheduled to study in our adult Life Group beginning in four weeks or so. Of poetry, I add nothing. The villanelle I wrote last month I hope to get back to in a week or so, tweak it, then submit it to the anthology; the deadline for submittals is Oct 31.

Then, the other major task I have at hand is the cover for the print version of In Front of Fifty Thousand Screaming People. I’ve been waiting for two talented cover artists/creators to get to it. For a variety of reasons, some legitimate, some not, they haven’t gotten to it in over a month’s time. So, my top priority is to get it done this weekend, uploaded to CreateSpace, a proof copy ordered ASAP, and the book published ASAP. It won’t be as good as if a pro did it, but it will be done, and the book will be available before the Cubs win the World Series—if they do.

My cell phone just gave me a severe weather alert, the first one I’ve received on this. Yet, the thunder has about quit. I may not go by Home Depot on the way home. We’ll see.

An Open Letter to Colin Kaepernick

An open letter to Colin Kaepernick:

Dear Colin:

According to Wikipedia, you are in the midst of a 6-year, $126 million contract. I’m sure the contract is complex, may not be linear, and might involve performance bonuses. But that works out to $21 million a year. After your agent’s cut (I assume it’s 20%) and taxes (which I’ll assume are 60% of the remainder after the agent’s cut), that gives you $6,720,000 a year to live on. I’ll go further and assume you are putting away 15% of your gross (i.e. before taxes) income for retirement, which is what financial planners advise prudent people to do. That would leave you with $3,570,000 a year to live on. I realize I’m guessing here. Let me round down, and estimate you have $3 million a year to live on.

That’s a sizeable sum, which should allow you to live quite luxuriously and have a lot left over.

We all know now about your refusal to stand to honor and respect our nation when the national anthem is played before 49er football games. I assume you don’t do this because the USA has been unfair to you, but because you believe it has been unfair to other Blacks, and I suspect you mean more specifically young Black males at the hands of law enforcement. I assume the trigger for you to do this now is the reported police shootings of Black men who refused to comply with police instructions over the last two years. The issue of race relations is complex, thus the issue is complex, and I’m sure your protest actually is more complex than that.

As a talented athlete and a highly paid professional, you are a role model for the nation and a spokesperson for the USA to the world. These are thrust upon you whether you want them or not. It’s a price you pay for the position you hold. As a former pastor of mine once explained, the higher you go up the ladder of success or positions of influence or authority, the fewer options you have in terms of behavior. You have relatively few options in the position you’re in. Oh, legally you have those options and many more. But morally, I believe, you have few.

You have chosen to use your position of influence to disrespect our imperfect nation as a means of protest. You are thus telling others who look up to you that this is how you bring about change where change is needed. I suggest to you that what you are doing will not bring about the results you want; it only draws attention to you. Change doesn’t come from shouting about a problem, but by doing meaningful things that will change behaviors.

So, I’d like to suggest a few things I believe you could do to bring about change that will make the USA a better place, a safer place for Blacks, and actually for people of all races.

1. Talk to young people, especially young Blacks, about obeying police commands rather than resisting the police. I haven’t dug into the statistics, but I suspect that approximately zero people who comply with police commands are shot and killed each year.

2. While you’re doing this, you might want to say a few things about living within the law and eschewing lawlessness.

3. Speak to police groups, sheriffs groups, and any other law enforcement groups, about better ways to deal with those who fail to comply with police commands. I believe our law enforcement officers want to do a good job, and would respond well to hearing from someone in a position of influence such as yourself.

4. With the $3 million a year you have to live on (if my math is close to correct), learn to live on $200,000 a month, and give $600,000 a year to works of charity that help inner-city youth to break the cycle of poverty and violence, and, through education and having role models to look to, will find a way out of their conditions. I did some research to see if you are doing any of this, and found some articles from a couple of years ago about your charity works, along with a couple of newer ones. This includes a $1 million donation to “organizations that work with the community.”  I also saw that you’re planning on donating recent jersey sale income to charity. Thank you for that. I commend you, and suggest that the more you do of this the more you will change our nation into a better place, the more you will extend your influence.

In the few public statements I’ve seen you make since your first sitting protest, you came across as whining that people would hold you accountable for your actions. May I suggest you rather accept responsibility for what you have done. Explain that your protest is heartfelt and sincere and that, if it costs you in terms of finances and influence you are ready to accept that as a consequence. Maybe you’ve done that and I missed it. If so I apologize. I’m sure I haven’t heard or read every statement you’ve issued.

Of course, if you think that through, you might realize there is a better, more effective, and longer lasting way to achieve what you want. Assuming what you want isn’t just more fame for yourself.

It’s A Holiday

For years I’ve struggled with establishing a good, sustainable schedule for posts on this blog. I tried five times a week, four times a week, three times a week. Somehow the time to write never materialized. I even backed off to just once a week, and still I found it difficult to blog on schedule. Sometimes I had extra ideas I wanted to blog about; sometimes I couldn’t think of anything on my regular weekly blogging day.

But over the last couple of months I’ve been able to be on a fairly regular schedule. I post on Monday and Friday. For several weeks now I’ve done this and been quite regular at it. In truth, I write my Monday blog post sometime on the weekend and schedule it to publish on Monday morning. Then I have four weekdays in which to write my Friday blog post, and schedule it to be published.

This has been working out fairly well for me. Post ideas have been coming to me with no problem. Time to write has been available. And I’ve found it a enjoyable thing to do, not a drudgery.

So here I am on Monday morning (for real; this wasn’t written earlier), writing a blog post. It’s the Labor Day holiday, and I’m home from work. The household is quite, as neither my wife or mother-in-law are up yet. I have no great topic to write on. My last post on Patriotism vs. Nationalism is still a somewhat incomplete treating of the topic, but I’m not adding to that today. Perhaps on Friday, or even next week. That topic isn’t going away.

So this is just an “hello” to my readers. I’m going to post this, take my coffee back upstairs, leaving The Dungeon empty, go to the sun porch on this cool-ish September morning, and read for an hour or so. My breakfast casserole from Saturday have more than three servings left, and will make a fine breakfast, along with some fruit, around 9:00 a.m. Later, after a few relatively light outside chores, I’ll be back in The Dungeon to work on some writing, most likely my novel Preserve The Revelation.  I’ll do some stock work. I’ll perhaps write a letter—or two.

Yes, this will be a most relaxing holiday, but not without it’s accomplishments. Enjoy it, readers. See you on Friday.

Patriotism vs Nationalism

I’m going to write and post this, but it will be far from complete, and I’ll have to follow-up with supplemental posts in due course. I write this during the wave of very vocal public opinion after San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick refused to stand for the national anthem during a preseason game a week or two ago. Public opinion seems to be against what Kaepernick did, but you can hear voices on the opposite side, ranging from “no big deal” to “he did the right thing.”

For a while now I’ve thought about this. By that I mean long, long before Kaepernick decided to exercise his First Amendment rights with apparent disregard for what impression it would make and effects it could have. Or perhaps he did think them through, though some of his comments since then make me think he didn’t. I’m thinking back to the flap when then-presidential candidate Barack Obama didn’t wear a U.S. flag lapel pin. There was some outrage at the time, but it all blew over; most people won’t remember it without prompting.

My thoughts at the time were that I wasn’t particularly concerned with outward gestures that people define as patriotism. I’m concerned with actual acts of patriotism. I’m concerned with people living their lives as a patriots, not mindlessly participating in rote ceremonies that have become mostly without meaning.

Don’t get me wrong: I always respect our flag, and think about what it stands for every time I’m involved in a ceremony. Heck, I remember a time at URI, gotta be 44 years ago at least, because I  was living on campus. It was a very cold winter day. I was dressed in my surplus U.S. Navy bridge coat, the one I had my brother get when Cranston High School East declared them surplus, having bought true warm-up jackets for the football team. It was a heavy, heavy coat, but it sure kept me warm. It was late in the day and I was heading across the quadrangle, in the direction away from the dorms (so maybe I was going to an evening class or exam). Wherever the flag pole was on the quad (seems like maybe it was a flagpole close to Bliss Hall), they were striking the colors for the evening. I don’t remember who was doing it; I don’t think it was a formal ceremony, just someone taking the flag down. I stopped, took off my red and black hunter’s hat, and stood at attention with my hand over my heart, until the flag was down and folded and being carried away to overnight storage. I doubt too many people ever did that in the URI quad.

So the flag is important to me, and that wasn’t a meaningless gesture on my part. But, I have to say, that respect for the flag is not patriotism. It’s nationalism. What’s the difference, you wonder? My desk dictionary has a slight variation in the definition of the two. Patriotism is listed as a synonym for nationalism, but not the other way around. Nationalism includes this alternate definition: excessive, narrow, or jingoistic patriotism. Oh, that’s not nice. The definition it give for patriotism is: love and loyal or zealous support of one’s own country. Yeah, I like that.

So is standing for and singing the national anthem, with your hand over your heart—or if you can’t sing just being quiet and respectful—an act of patriotism, or of nationalism? If it’s done for show, or because you’re supposed to do it, or merely because people are expecting you to do it, then it’s at best nationalism, and at worse mindlessness. The best you can say about it is it can be an example to others, and perhaps encourage others to learn to respect and love their country.

So what is patriotism? In a previous post I mentioned that my dad was a patriot, and I gave reasons why I thought he was. However, I’m going to hold off on completing these thoughts. I want to take time to properly develop them. Perhaps it will be my next post, or even one or two after that.

What’s Next?

So, yesterday I finished the short story “Hotel Whiskey Papa”. It’s 5,839 words, though that could change in the final edit, which will start tomorrow and take only a day or two, I think, and then I will publish it. That is, if I can get the cover made with no trouble. That will give me four stories in the Sharon Williams Fonseca series of stories:

  • Whiskey Zebra Tango: set in Cranston, Rhode Island
  • Charley Delta Delta: set in Greece
  • Sierra Kilo Bravo: set in Italy and Switzerland
  • Hotel Whiskey Papa: set in Austria, mostly Salzburg

As far as how many there will be in the series, I have no idea. The number of places I’ve visited give me enough fodder for 50 to 60 stories, if I can get enough ideas to wrap around the locales. That will be a good series. I’m hoping the fact that I’ve been to the places that I will put Sharon and her antagonists in will add authenticity.

Conventional wisdom says I should continue with this series and whip out several more fairly quickly. I’d like to do that, and I may change my mind and do at least one more next. But the fact is that coming up with C.I.A. operations that work as short stories and involve Sharon and seem like they will be interesting has been more difficult than I expected. The inspiration for “Hotel Whiskey Papa” came slowly. It was ten months after I published “Sierra Kilo Bravo” before inspiration came for HWP; and HWP will be published almost a year after SKB. At present I have no inspiration for the next, though I believe I have the title an setting: Tango Delta Foxtrot, set in Paris, France. But I’ve sort of wrote myself into a corner with this last one, and I’m not sure how the next one will flow. So, for now, I’m not going to rush into the next one. Besides, when did I ever follow conventional wisdom regarding what would be best to write next?

No, when I finish editing HWP, the next thing I do will be to edit chapter one of Preserve The Revelation, and start on Chapter 2. I have a little research to do, so I may do that before plunging into the writing.

But that’s my project. It will be good to once again see Augustus ben Adam on my screen, and to add his two sons, Adam and Daniel. I’m looking forward to it.

Works-In-Progress

Finally, I have a minute, with no other posts pressing on me, to write about what I’m working on in my writing career. I’ve been trying to get to this for several weeks, and another thought for a post keeps popping up and pushing this aside. Not today.

My main work-in-progress is a short story. Titled “Hotel Whiskey Papa”, it’s the fourth in my series about Sharon Williams Fonseca, an unconventional CIA agent. The Agency has another, junior agent who shows great promise, dogging her, for they are concerned that she steps over the line from time to time, doing Agency work in an illegal, or at least unethical, way. In a twist, I’m writing this on manuscript, not on computer in The Dungeon. I sit in my reading chair, with only an end table between me and Lynda, and write on the back of already used papers. I typed what I had last weekend, and some on one other day. On my computer the document stands at about 3,800 words. Since then I’ve written another thousand in manuscript, and am approaching the end of the story. I had in mind that these stories should be 4,000 to 6,000 words, so I’m on track. As soon as it’s finished, proofed, edited, and proofed again, I’ll publish it. I’ll make my own cover for this one.

Then, yesterday I actually wrote a poem, something more than a haiku that is. And I’m not denigrating the haiku form or saying it’s easy, but something longer? I haven’t written one in a couple of years, or maybe even five years. I’ve written some song verses in that time, but no stand-alone poems. This one is for an anthology being put together by the present poet laureate at the on-line writers group  Absolute Write. It will be a themed anthology of contributions by AW members, the theme being a traveling carnival. I told her I would contribute anything I had already written, but that I had no inspiration or energy to write something new. When the theme was announced, I had my poem “Magic”, which sort of fit, so I submitted it. But sometime on Tuesday or Wednesday a phrase and plot came to me that would fit the theme. I quickly forgot the phrase, but it came back yesterday morning. As the morning went on I saw a way to write the poem. During the noon hour I started it, and finished it off and on by mid-afternoon. I quickly posted it to the anthology critique forum before I lost my nerve. I’m not saying it’s good, but it’s done, subject to improvement, of course.

What else? I’m trying to get In Front of Fifty Thousand Screaming People published in print form. I have the book formatted, and am waiting on the cover. Two different people have given me photos of Wrigley Field to use, and two others have said they would do the cover. Alas, when you’re having people work for free, other things get in the way. Hopefully I can get this done next week some time. I may cobble a cover together myself this weekend.

I’m also improving some e-book covers. Recently I received a notice from Smashwords saying that four of my e-book covers did not meet their minimum standards. These are my older covers, made and posted before they had minimum standards. I guess they are just now getting around to enforcing. that. I completed one of them last weekend, or maybe last week some time, and uploaded it. Yesterday I got the word that it was acceptable, and the book—actually a short story—is back in the premium catalog. Only three to go. I’ll hopefully get one done this weekend.

That’s it as far as writing work. I’ll post something here and elsewhere when HWP is published. And, once things change, I’ll write again. Actually, I just thought of one other thing. I’m working on a Bible study to teach in our adult Life Group. But it deserves a post by itself. Maybe that will be next.

Noon Hour Musings

Saturday, August 20, 2016, writing about Friday

The morning suggested we would get rain. Radar showed it close at hand. But, when I looked outside the windows at noon, the sky seemed lighter than it had an hour ago. I went outside, walked to the north side of the building, where the break room is, and got my bag lunch out of the fridge. Our building is being remodeled, and right now the middle of the building is closed to us. So we have to go outside to go between the north and south parts of the building.

Lunch eaten, I decided to risk the rain and take a walk. One circuit up and down the commercial subdivision road is a half-mile. On days when it’s not too hot I like to do a mile. In these hot days of summer, I walk less, and stay on a shorter route that has more shade than direct sunshine. But on Friday I decided to take the full route. Naturally, as soon as I get a ways away from the building the sun breaks through the clouds. I should have taken the shade route.

I enjoyed the walk, Normally I sing as I walk at noon. The sight distance is good. I can see if anyone is up ahead, and can quit when I need to. Some days I sing oldies; some worship songs; some hymns. I tend to sing songs I’ve written lyrics to. To clarify, I don’t write songs. But from time to time I’ll take the lyrics of a song and either add a verse or improve on them. I like to take secular songs I like and write Christian lyrics to them. Every now and then an idea comes to me on how to improve them, or even for something new. I guess I’ve changed or completely rewritten the lyrics on between 5 and 10 songs.

But on Friday I didn’t feel like singing. I walked in silence, my mind full of the many things I have to do in life, how some were going well, some not so well, none seemingly ever finished. A scheduling problem that needs to be worked out over the next three weeks was up front, dominating my thoughts. I was hoping another person was going to step up and take care of this, but it seems like that’s not going to happen. So the things that will need to be done presented themselves like a to do list in my mind.

I didn’t take time to sing, or to watch the birds go by, or to observe the condition of the vegetation all around me. I suppose work was going on at the large construction site right next to our office complex, but I wasn’t aware of what was going on, so all consuming was the problem I was working through.

But the sun came out more fully, about the time I was on the part of the loop farthest from any trees. I decided I’d just do a half mile. The temperature wasn’t too hot—in the upper 80s, but I still didn’t feel like doing the whole mile.

I got back into the building and immediately had a large cup of cold water, to re-hydrate. The scheduling problem wasn’t fixed. I still had a full afternoon of work at the office, with more work to do when I got home in the evening. But I felt better for walking. I’d burned a few calories, worked my brain.

So what was the point of this blog post? I haven’t added to the collective wisdom of the world. I guess I worked my brain, on a day when I was working my body with menial, occasional tasks. So that’s good.

The 2016 Presidential Election in Lightbulbs

I should be posting something today, and had intended to post about what writing I’m doing. But honestly, I’m rather brain weary right now, so instead I’m going to post something I posted on Facebook, something I wrote that I find funny, about the 2016 presidential election. You may not find it funny, but I do.

How many Donald Trumps does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: One: He holds the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 45,000,548: one to change the light bulb; 10 to make sure they’re doing it right; 535 members of Congress to enact laws to govern light bulbs; 1 president to sign the bill into law; one vice president to stand around looking stupid during the signing ceremony; 4 million staffers at the DOE, OSHA, DOL, and other Federal agencies to write the regulations governing light bulbs, their changing, and proper disposal of the non-functioning light bulb; 1 million enforcement officers to verify everything is being done how the government wants it done; and 40 million taxpayers to support all of the above.

How many Gary Johnsons does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 6: one of whom is a rugged individualist; one abortionist; one druggie; and three anarchists. Although, given the lack of leadership, it’s questionable whether the light bulb will actually ever get changed.

How many Jill Steins does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Light bulb? You have a light bulb? No, no, no! That will destroy the planet. We tax your carbon footprint and confiscate your light bulb.

Author | Engineer