The concept of friendship has been on my mind recently. One of the books I brought with me to read on our current trip is a C.S. Lewis book titled The Four Loves. One of the loves Lewis talks about is friendship. So far I’ve only skimmed this book.
Another reason I’m thinking about that is because of my currently reading the letters of Thomas and Jane Carlyle, along with an older bio of him. My current reading is in the time less than three years after he moved from Scotland to London and was still forming friendships. Reading about how that was going is an interesting read.
Friendship has been on my mind because I wonder if people really experience it these days. We are more connected than ever thanks to the internet, yet we are, perhaps, more isolated. Posts and reactions take the place of real interactions.
Building friendships takes time. Both parties to a friendship must want the friendship and show the want by investing the time needed to, first, get to know the other person, and second, to know them well, well enough to say, “We are friends,” and to consider it a loss if you didn’t hear from or engage with the other for some time. Of course, to get to know someone well probably means you share interests.
We don’t have much friendship today. I’m convinced of that. I’m thinking at the adult level. Children at all ages, linked by school classes, do a better job of making friends.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this topic and whether I’ll have more posts on it as I get into the Lewis book. If I do have more, they won’t be consecutive.
I can tell you about my friendships. They say that if you have one real friend in life you are fortunate. I have had five. Death ended the other four. One of which has lasted nearly forty-five years. Our friendship has weathered long distances, and years of not hearing from one another, up to the present day. We reunited four years ago, and it was as if we had never been apart. I believe our friendship is because the Lord is in the midst of it. He is the center of all we do and says to one another. Believe it or not, we can have four-hour conversations and even then, we have to just say goodbye because the hour is usually late. Lance has often asked, “Mom, what in the world could you find to talk about for four hours?!” She and I just laugh.
From the very beginning, we knew we were meant to be friends. Over the years we both have come to know that there isn’t anything that one can say to the other that would ever change how we feel about each other. And trust me, we have talked about a lot that would have separated many people. We never take each other for granted and say all the time that in this day and age, we know how blessed we are. In a world of mistrust, talebearing, rumors, and outright lies, we would have to hear any of these from the other’s lips to believe anything we know is out of character of the friend we know. It is rare. Even to the point of what it takes to stay in touch and make each other a priority. I don’t use the word “work” because this kind of friendship isn’t a job, it’s a joy. Our first words when we call each other are, “Hello, my friend.”
We have shared heartache, loss, and this past year my health issue. We have laughed together until the tears roll over things that only she and I find humor in. We are quick to forgive and then it’s done with. We don’t hold anything against one another for future use. Our love for one another is too valuable to let anything come between us. We marvel at how people will let the smallest disagreement separate them from friends and even family. We only have one life here, and sadly many don’t realize what they lost until it’s too late and that person is gone.
Suz: That’s a great comment. I’m glad for the friendships in your life.