Yes, Facebook, like all social media, is full of advice. Is any of it worth listening to? Or actually modifying your behavior to emulate it? I’m thinking of doing a series of short posts—not necessarily consecutively—discussing some of them. Or, perhaps I’ll do one or two and find it a waste of time. But here’s the first.
If you treat me right, I’ll treat you right. But if you cross me, I’ll hurt you right back.
I have seen this over and over on Facebook. It’s probably on other social media platforms as well. I’ve seen it said by men and women, though more often by men. The people who say this seem to span many ages, though I think they come more often from those considered middle aged.
Is this good advice, something worth making one of you life behaviors? When I think of wise maxims people have grown to accept as useful guides to behavior, I think of the Golden Rule.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you.
But that’s just the opposite of the Facebook advice, which can be rephrased as
Do to others as they have done to you.
That’s just the opposite of the Golden Rule. Let your behavior be governed by others—not just by others, but by behavior that you dislike or even find reprehensible. You wind up behaving just like them.
I also see in this Facebook phrase a touch of passive aggressiveness. That may not be the right use of that psychology phrase, which I’m not sure I ever fully understood. But you are saying something aggressive that you will enact in a passive way—your behavior totally depending on how others behave toward you.
How much better to treat others, not how they have treated you, but in love. To return insult with blessing; evil with good; hate with love.
So, when you see this advice on Facebook or other social media, counter it with the Golden Rule. Don’t let your behavior be dictated by that of others.
I also don’t understand why any discussion, where two or more don’t agree, has to become toxic – almost always, instantly. I enjoy a lively discussion, even spirited debate, with folks who don’t share my point of view. I have found that everyone has at least one point of disagreement with every other living person on the planet. Most of us have more than one point of disagreement with everyone we encounter. Why is this threatening to us? Why do we tend to regard folks we disagree with as “the enemy” at some level? Some of my favorite discussion partners were folks who disagreed with me on more things that we might have agreed about. I love to engage with thoughtful, well informed folks – regardless of their point of view. I enjoy being challenged; examining one’s point(s) of view is healthy in my humble opinion. I have seldom changed my mind but taking the time to exchange ideas, with others, made them relevant to me and made it easier to love those who are not like me. I would rather talk to a respectful, well informed person, who disagrees with everything I believe, than to spend a few minutes with someone, who mostly agrees with me, who doesn’t respect other and is not well informed.
Thanks for reading my blog and commenting, Martin.