This week, Acts Of Faith: Examples From The Great Cloud Of Witnesses went live on Amazon as an e-book. The print book proof is supposed to arrive today. Assuming it checks out as good, I need to swap out the cover for one with a few tweaks, then I’ll hit “publish” and it will be live, too. My first published Bible study.

Although this is my thirtieth item to publish, in some ways this one is making me feel more vulnerable than all the others. It’s kind of like when I published my first (and so far only) poetry book, Daddy-Daughter Day. That was my eighteenth book to publish, and it made me feel very vulnerable at the time. I remember it as a strange feeling. I had novels and short stories and non-fiction books out there for people to buy and either like or tear apart. Why did poetry make me feel so at risk? Perhaps because I’m not trained as a poet. All I know about poetry I learned through my self-study, late in life. What if I mess it up, if my poems are garbage? Poetry is heightened language, with rules that aren’t needed in prose. All this combined resulted in my feeling vulnerable. I hesitated several months before hitting the publish button.

Now I’m feeling the same thing with Acts Of Faith. This isn’t my first Bible study. This is actually my ninth Bible study to prepare from my own research. The other eight I’ve already taught (or co-taught) from my notes to the adult Life Group I attend. One of them, Entrusted To My Care, is being taught right now from my notes in another group. For that study I happened to make more extensive teaching notes, which I gave them to the other teacher. Four weeks in to the fourteen-week study, she says it’s going well.

So, I’m no stranger to Bible studies. Why then this feeling of ill ease?

It’s probably the same thing as with poetry. I’m an amateur in this field, a layman playing against a host of trained clergy, teachers, professors, evangelists. Look at all the Bible studies published that have become popular. They are published by those who could be called professionals. Is there room on this field for an amateur to step up and make an impact?

I didn’t take any of those other Bible studies the next step and turn them into publishable products. When I prepared Bible studies and taught them to our group that’s been together for a long time, if I made a misstatement as I taught, I could cover it over with a joke and keep right on rolling. Now, however, if I have a mistake in my book—and I would think that, as a layman, I’m more likely to make a mistake than a professional—it’s out there in print for everyone to criticize. Yes, and that makes me feel vulnerable.

But is that bad? In a recent sermon, our pastor talked about this. He said that God made Himself vulnerable when He came to earth and faced the same temptations as we do. One of pastor’s key points was, “Vulnerability deepens relationships.” He added that we need to be willing to make ourselves vulnerable. If he didn’t say it outright, he implied that being vulnerable is necessary to do effective work for the kingdom of God.

That sermon came as I was in the midst of publishing tasks for Acts Of Faith but had not yet hit the button. I had some but not all of the publishing files created. Didn’t have the covers finished. I was at the point where I could easily have decided to stop publishing it, shrinking back into my comfortable world of fiction, etc. But the idea of making myself vulnerable as a way of doing great things for the kingdom of God pushed me forward, and hit the button I did.

What’s to become of Acts Of Faith? I have a somewhat captive audience in my Life Group, and should have ten to fifteen sales there. I know of another five to ten people locally who will want a copy. That puts me a little over average for my sales. And, who knows? Perhaps this will be my breakout book.