Category Archives: critique group

Dendritic Passage

Is this considered a craft? Oh, no, I did a craft! What’s to become of me? I feel the dendrites in my nervous system getting all worried.

Whether the pandemic is over or not, it’s good to be coming out of it. To go to the grocery store and not wear a mask. To go to church, not wear a mask, and get a cup of coffee (while staying 6 ft. distanced the whole time). To have long-interrupted groups meet for the first time in over a year. Yes, while we realize the spread of the virus isn’t over, and questions remain as to the effectiveness of the vaccine against all mutations of the virus, it’s still good to open up.

One group I belong to has been meeting. The Northwest Arkansas Letter Writers took a few months off, then decided to meet outdoors. I joined this group in March 2020 and attended one meeting before the pandemic hit. These are people who enjoy writing letters, on paper, that get sent through the mail. We have been meeting at a church not too far from me, under a drive-under at the back door, skipping the coldest and hottest months. That was good to keep seeing each other and talk about our letter writing activities.

Another group I’m a member of is the Scribblers & Scribes of Bella Vista. This is a writers critique group. We had our last meeting at a library in early March 2020. We typically had four or five people attend out of six active members. One of those has moved away; two others were new and we don’t know what their current interest is. Three of us were core members who rarely missed a meeting. While we were shut down, we sent pieces for critique by e-mail and received feedback the same way, but it wasn’t quite the same as reading pages in front of other writers and receiving comments then.

We began meeting again last Tuesday, all except me, as I had a one time church meeting to attend. I e-mailed in for critique the beginning of a short story. I’ll have to wait for the July meeting to see them all again. Anyone reading this who is interested in a writing critique group can find us through MeetUp.

The other group I’m a member of is the Village on the Lakes Writers and Poets. This group is a diverse bunch of writers, a fair number being poets. They met once a month at a writers retreat center in Bella Vista, sometimes as many as 20 people. The meetings were about inspiration for and education concerning writing, along with read-around of our work. Then the pandemic hit. The March 2020 meeting was cancelled. By April we were ready for Zoom meetings and did this every month during the pandemic.

In May, the State having lifted many restrictions, we met at a coffee shop, just five of us, and did some planning and dreaming. In June, we met at a pavilion of one of Bella Vista’s parks. One of our two group leaders led us in an exercise. Now, I hate writing exercises. I’m not sure why; I’d just rather write what I want to write and be done with it. But I took part. The leader had brought plucked off leaves, colored pens, pencils, and sketching paper. We were to trace a leaf (or leaves, whatever we wanted), then take fifteen minutes to write about it, after which we read our exercise to the group.

Not trace. I’m not exactly sure what this craft is called. Put the leaf on wax paper, then a sketch sheet above it, and rub the leaf through the paper so that the features come through. Leaf rubbing I suppose it’s called. My leaf didn’t want to cooperate. I chose yellow as my rubbing color. Probably not the best, as yellow doesn’t show well. The thick parts of the leaf didn’t show well, so I took a green pencil and traced them.

As to the writing, I stared at my leaf and couldn’t think of a thing. Then I took note of the dendritic pattern of the leaf and remembered an e-mail discussion with my now-deceased friend, Gary Boden, and a train of though came to mind. Here’s what I wrote and read to the group.

Dendritic Passage

As the trace of the leaf shows more prominently the division of segments—i.e. the spine and the hard, thick parts, so is my writing life and all that has brought me to this point. These start at the periphery and end at the bottom of the stem in what is called a dendritic pattern.

Dendritic? Yes, that’s the term. We used it in hydrology to describe the nature of a drainage basin, coming together from the far-flung edges and arriving at the main channel. But I think the word comes from the natural sciences, for I first heard it from Gary, a zoologist by education who ended up his career in computer systems. Branches coming together but with a fabric between them is what makes a dendritic pattern.

As I look at this leaf from an unknown plant and see its dendritic pattern, I see my writing. Each little spine is a genre that captures some of my time and results in a book or story. The latch-key teen experiences resulted in the Danny Tompkins stories. The many places visited early in adult life are being turned into the Sharon Williams stories and Operation Lotus Sunday. My love of God’s story and His word & church has moved to a branch that is the church history novels and

Hydrology, botany, and neurology (if that’s the right word) all make use of the term dendritic. Who knew?

At that point the leader said “Time.” When I read what I had to the group, someone talked about the dendritic pattern of the nervous system. I later looked up a dictionary definition, and both the pattern of a tree and the nervous system were used in the definition of dendritic. And the word “dendrite” for the first time came to my attention. Guess I should have figured that.

This is not a profound post. I have no conclusion to draw, no inspirational thing to write. Just an observations. Groups are coming back. I took part in a writing exercise. I did a craft-like thing and lived to write about it. All is not right with the world, but it was better that day when we met.

My camera is not with me right now. When it is, I’ll edit in a photo of my leaf rubbing, quite possibly the first and last I’ll ever do. Now, on to my day’s dendritic activities.

Oh, and why did I write “Passage” instead of “Pattern” in the title? I guess I don’t know.

2020: March Accomplishment, April Goals

Here’s what I had for my March goals and how I did relative to them.

  1. Blog twice a week, on Mondays and Fridays. Did this. Once I did a “can’t write much today” post, and once I didn’t get my Friday post in till Saturday, but I got them done.
  2. Make significant progress on The Teachings, my novel-in-progress.  I need to make this measurable, so I’ll set 20,000 words to be added this month. That means, at the close of March 31st, I should be at 32, 122 or better. Failed miserably on this when my genealogy book and research took over practically all my waking hours. I ended the month with around 23,250 words. Not awful, but not what I hoped for.
  3. Make a final decision on what Bible study to work on this year. I decided this: it will be Entrusted To My Care: A Bible Study of 1 & 2 Timothy.
  4. Attend three writing group meetings this month, two for Scribblers & Scribes of Bella Vista and one for Village Lake Writers & Poets. Due to the corona virus outbreak, two of these three meetings were cancelled. The first one, on March 4, we did at the Rogers library. The 2nd Wednesday Noon group will meet as a Facebook livestream followed by a Zoom conference this month, and I’m the speaker.
  5. Spend a little time going through the genealogy book I started over two years ago. My goal is to make a judgment of how much work would be involved and whether I could publish it this year. I haven’t talked much about this on the blog. I’ll have to do a post or two on it. I accomplished this—big time. I’m working hot and heavy on the book, to the detriment of all other writing tasks, and it’s coming along well. Up to 88 pages and the end is not yet.
  6. Republish the two stories in the Sharon Williams Fonseca series I didn’t get done last month, to add my current list of published works (and correct any typos I might find). Did this! All five Sharon Williams Fonseca stories are re-published with most recent data on my published works, as well as a correcting a few typos in each.
  7. Continue reading for research in the next Documenting America book. This will include searching for available documents. I have a few already chosen, but more are needed. This month I may be searching for documents more than reading them. I don’t know if I can claim having done this or not. I found some new on-line sources and skimmed one and bookmarked the site. I guess I can claim it.

So, what about April? I’m somewhat uncertain due to this genealogy obsession that has to run its course before I can get back to other work. Thus I think my goals will be modest this month.

  1. Blog twice a week.
  2. Get as far as I can with the genealogy book.
  3. Spend at least some time in The Teachings. I should set a word goal. Let’s say 3,000 words is my goal for the month.
  4. Give my talk to the Village Lake Writers & Poets on April 8.
  5. Do some research into the next Documenting America book. Maybe it will just read the document I found. Maybe it will be to peruse the site that document came from and note other documents for use and at least skim them.

That’s all for April. It will be a busy month, just not in the things I had on my master 2020 list.

Ideas and Grandchildren

The scene at the Dodge dealership in Snyder. Ezra is in the middle of the photo.

I stated in my last post that I wasn’t getting much writing done, due mainly to the snow days and the grandchildren being home. And I was okay with that. But, in the three days after the snow days, I have’t done much.

I had sent the first five pages of The Teachings to my critique group, Scribblers & Scribes of Bella Vista. I received one review back, and went over that carefully, incorporating many of the comments. Alas, I didn’t add any new material. I found a little time (maybe 30 minutes) to re-read some of the source material, which will help me down the road.

Leaders and boy scouts ran a good show on Saturday. Ezra’s car is the bright blue one.

Saturday I took #2 grandson, Ezra, to his Pinewood Derby competition in Snyder, about 50 miles away. That was a fun time. We had lunch afterwards, and Ezra commented it was lunch for second childs. Yes, it was.

This was a snazzy set-up. The display shows the result from one heat.

We walked around the neighborhood a couple of days. Yesterday, after church, Ephraim had a friend over for a visit. I found some time to sit on the front porch and read—not in the source book, but in other things I brought along on our trip. Enjoyable, but not necessarily productive for writing.

A good number from Ezra’s pack participated. All seemed to have a good time.

Yesterday, Sunday, was mainly for reading. But, as I read in the book we are currently studying in Life Group, and as I read some in a short book from 1886 about Thomas Carlyle, ideas started to come to mind. These were ideas for Bible studies to develop and write. One had been there for a while, but another came out of the blue. Actually, the thought came to me in the men’s Sunday school class yesterday, from a Bible passage we read and studied.

Ezra didn’t seem to be disappointed at not winning anything. He enjoyed being with his friends, and maybe with his grandpa.

Yesterday evening I took a few moments to write the ideas down. I didn’t take time to flesh them out. That may be an activity for later today or tomorrow. I also listed other Bible studies I’m thinking of. I have about six I’ve developed and taught but never written out in book form, and, in addition to the two added yesterday, I have six others I want to develop. I won’t give any of those here. That will wait on a future post.

So, in a way, this was writing productivity. One of my goals for this month is to decide on the next Bible study to write. Last night’s exercise will help me achieve that goal.

January 2020 Writing Goals

I’m still working on my annual goals for 2020. I’m just not sure of what I’m going to attempt this year. So, I’m going to start on goals for January. That’s a short enough time frame I should be able to project 30 days ahead. Here are my goals.

  1. Blog twice a week, on Monday and Friday. I’ve been fairly successful blogging at this rate, and feel confident I can achieve this.
  2. Finish producing a book for a writing friend. This project is well along. I might finish it today; if not, it should only be a day or two from now.
  3. Edit my short story “Tango Delta Foxtrot”. The story is finished, and I’m in the editing process. My critique group hasn’t particularly liked the plot, but I don’t know how to change it. Whether I can accomplish this in January is a little iffy.
  4. Attend writing group meetings as much as possible. My travel schedule may make it impossible to attend one, but hopefully I’ll be at the other.
  5. Start my next book, tentatively titled The Teachings. This will be book 3 in my church history novels series. I plan on starting this later this week. Writing will take several months.
  6. Finish a proof-reading of Acts Of Faith and republish a corrected version. I’ve proofread about a third of it and found more errors than I like.
  7. Create a PDF version of Acts Of Faith: Leader’s Guide in 8.5×11 inch format. This is a brief task that should be no problem to complete.

I think this is enough. I’m writing this Friday evening to post on Monday morning. It’s possible I’ll add an item or two.

Looking Back as the New Year Starts

The writing of this book was finished in December 2018. Editing took some time, and I didn’t publish it till May 2019.

One year ago I entered the world of retirees. It was unchartered territory for me. I knew I had more than enough interests to stay busy, but how would I structure my days? What would I accomplish? Would it be more or less than I wanted to do? How would writing and stock trading and property upkeep and a dozen other things vie for my time?

At that time, in January 2019, I did not write a blog post about writing goals. It was all too new. I didn’t know what I could accomplish in my writing. I had recently completed the first draft of Adam Of Jerusalem and I was letting it simmer while the Christmas busyness was in progress. So that would be on the table early in the new year. But what else would I accomplish?

I think I will start this year on An Arrow Through The Air by three posts about goals. First will be what I accomplished last month, then will be a look-back at the whole year, then will be a look-ahead to 2020 and what I hope to accomplish. I’m still thinking about the new year, so this schedule will give me time to think some more.

I last posted about goals at the end of October, for November. Not sure why I didn’t do a December goals post. Here’s what I said for November, and how well I did on them over a two-month period.

  1. As always, blog twice a week on Monday and Friday. I may have to write some ahead and schedule their posting. I did fairly well on this. Some of them I did write ahead of time for later posting. I missed one day in each month.
  2. Attend writing groups. One group is considering adding a second meeting in the month, so it might be three instead of two meetings total for the two groups. I attended every meeting available. One was cancelled. Another was a time to wrap books as Christmas presents to go to a middle school. It was a fun time.
  3. Finish Tango Delta Foxtrot. I think this is about two hours of writing. Surely I can do that. I finished this, and gave it to my critique group (Scribblers and Scribes of Bella Vista). Waiting on a full range of critiques, but initial response, but for installments and for the full document isn’t good.
  4. Finish reading in two books that are research for The Teachings. This is quite doable. I’m not reading all of Josephus—just enough to know about a certain action in Jerusalem at the beginning of the war in 66 a.d. Yes, I got this done. From Josephus I have selected the dates and locations for certain scenes. From the other book I have a good idea of the composition of The Didache. From the two I’ve made an outline.  When I sit down to work on it, probably next week, I hope it starts to flow.
  5. Finish the Leader’s Guide for Acts Of Faith. This should be doable, in the original concept only. I’ll be working toward publishing it in December, most likely as an e-book only. Another thing finished. I received some feedback about potential changes that would have taken time, but decided not to make them. For now this is an e-book, but I’m planning on making a PDF in 8.5×11 format to give to people who ask.

So, two months of reasonably good accomplishment. Hopefully this will continue into January 2020.

Publishing and Writing Side-by-Side

The e-book cover for this was easy. At present I’m not planning on issuing a print book.

Well, I missed another blogging day. Yes, I missed last Friday. That’s two Fridays in a row. I tell you, miss it once and it can become a habit. I’ll break that habit this coming Friday.

For now, I’ll just tell a little of my current activities.

Today is the day to publish the Leader’s Guide for Acts Of Faith. I made the cover on Friday, finished the editing on Saturday, made one minor tweak yesterday, and let it sit for the night. As soon as I finish this I’ll go to Amazon KDP and do the publishing tasks. Hopefully it will be available for sale before the end of the day, though perhaps tomorrow.

I’ll make the cover for the print edition of the prequel of this look much the same. Delete “Again” and change the photo.

Then, tomorrow I’ll work on my friend Bessie’s book. I did her second book for her earlier this year. Her first book, however, is available from the publisher only as an e-book. She has people in the church who want a copy. At my prompting, she obtained a license from the publisher to make do a print book edition of her own. I have already gone through the text for errors. I think I built the Table of Content, but will check on that. The cover will follow the lines of the last book and should be simple—except print book covers are never simple for me. Publishing it may not be doable on one day.

Salzburg and environs are so nice, with quaint things to see and do—but not when you’re following Sharon Williams Fonseca.

After that, I shift to writing tasks. My short story, “Tango Delta Foxtrot”. It’s now at 5,300 words and is well along with the story. I don’t have a specific word goal, and I didn’t plan out the plot. To keep it from getting boring I need to wrap it up. I may work on that some in the evenings. I did so yesterday evening, incorporating comments from my critique group. I’m not finished yet with that, so may make working through those comments my evening task for a few days. Wednesday or Thursday I hope to be adding words to the story.

Meanwhile, I sold a couple of copies of Acts Of Faith at church yesterday, and last Friday a paperback copy of Doctor Luke’s Assistant sold at Amazon. That bring my sales for the year up to 131, my second-best year so far. About 75 of those are self-sales of books from inventory, and 69 are of books I published this year. That’s good news. I hope to continue the up-trend next year.

Book Review: The Oxford Inklings – revisited

Read it in 2014-15 and gave it 5 stars; re-read it in 2019 and haven’t changed my mind.

Four years ago I read The Oxford Inklings and posted a review of it. I put this book on the shelf and forgot about it. Forgot that I even had read it, though in the back of my mind I knew I had that book somewhere in my library.

Lately, with my interest in C.S. Lewis enhanced—not that I ever lot interest in him, but from time to time it bubbles to the top of my thoughts and I have to read a book by or about him. Well, after having trouble a while back trying to find something from a Lewis book to go into Acts Of Faith, I realized I needed to consolidate my Lewis books into one place. As I was doing that, almost accidentally I saw The Oxford Inklings hiding in a place I never would have expected it. I looked at it and couldn’t tell if it had ever been read. So I took it up to the sun room and decided I would read it right away.

I remembered a story late in the book, or thought I did. If I get to that part and that story is in there I would know I had indeed read this. Rather than look ahead and try to find that, I decided to just read it straight through and wait until I came.

As I read the book, it seemed new to me. Although I thought I had read it before, reading it now I felt like it was a new book. Had I read it or not? I found it gave me good information. I was about to say no, I hadn’t read it before. As I got close to the end, it began to feel familiar.

At last I came to the period that described Lewis’ declining health, and there was the scene I remembered. Yes, I had read it. Obviously I hadn’t retained it as much as I should have.

I see I gave the book 5 stars before. I stand by that. It does a good job of describing the Inklings and how the group revolved around Lewis more than the others. Members came and went. The three with the most time in the group were Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Lewis’ brother Warren. Others were there for a few years, or for a longer time but not attending each time they met. A few didn’t write and were there just to critique.

We aren’t the Inklings yet, but we are helping each other improve and move our writing forward.

Their goal was to make their writing better. They read works and received criticism on the spot. Back then easy means of printing and copying weren’t available, so their criticism was through listening and commenting. How different it is now. Our writing group, Scribblers and Scribes of Bella Vista, has the advantage of receiving works ahead of time and taking time to read and make comments in writing. We also read and comment at our monthly meetings (soon to be twice a month), but typically have copies of what others are reading.

But, I must go back to the book and close. If you’re interested in C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, their books, their circles, how writers go about their business, this is an excellent read. I highly recommend it—again.

October Accomplishments; November Goals

It’s Friday, so a regular posting day. And, it’s the first of the month; time to blog about achievements and goals. Here are the goals I set at the beginning of October, and how I did on them.

  1. Blog twice a week, on Mondays and Fridays. Almost made this. I missed last Monday.
  2. Finish the short story “Tango Delta Foxtrot” and come close to finishing the editing process. Shared the first scene with my writing group, for critique later. Didn’t work on this at all. Other writing wound up taking precedent.
  3. Attend writing groups on the 9th and 16th. Yup, did this. I enjoy going to my writing groups.
  4. Finish the Leader’s Guide for Acts Of Faith. As of this morning I’m a little more than halfway done with it. This is doable, though might be a stretch. If I get it written, publishing will be in another month. I am very close on this. I think it’s just a chapter and a half of new writing to do, then go back and format it for e-book. I had a snag thrown at me on this, concerning how much I need to write about the second part of each chapter. My thoughts right now are to finish it as intended, then perhaps go back later and expand it.
  5. Issue my first newsletter. It may be shorter than I want, and may not have as many items as I planned, and for sure won’t have a lot of subscribers, but, hopefully, it will go out. I did not do this. I’m not sure why I hesitate, but I do.
  6. Continue an aggressive reading program, at least an hour a day. I’m in the midst of two books, one in print and one e-book. I should finish both and start one or two more. Yes, I continued this reading program, and perhaps expanded it a little. Some of it is for research on my next church history novel.

So, all it all October wasn’t a particularly good month for achieving goals.  I’ll try again in November, though with much family coming for Thanksgiving, achieving any goals may be difficult.

  1. As always, blog twice a week on Monday and Friday. I may have to write some ahead and schedule their posting.
  2. Attend writing groups. One group is considering adding a second meeting in the month, so it might be three instead of two meetings total for the two groups.
  3. Finish Tango Delta Foxtrot. I think this is about two hours of writing. Surely I can do that.
  4. Finish reading in two books that are research for The Teachings. This is quite doable. I’m not reading all of Josephus—just enough to know about a certain action in Jerusalem at the beginning of the war in 66 a.d.
  5. Finish the Leader’s Guide for Acts Of Faith. This should be doable, in the original concept only. I’ll be working toward publishing it in December, most likely as an e-book only.

I think that’s it. I may be able to accomplish a couple of other things. If so, I’ll report on them on or around December first.

Acquiring an Editor’s Eye

MEditing Illustration 03y time in the poetry wars, as I call the days I spent at Poem Kingdom, was my first time to begin to acquire what I recently termed an “editor’s eye”. At that site I critiqued hundreds of poems, first as a participant, later as a moderator and still later as an administrator. That actually wasn’t my first time and place to do that. I had already been critiquing at Sonnet Central for a few months, and had been in a writing critique group for a couple of years.

After Poem Kingdom there was Poem Train (with it’s critique forum Café Poetica), Poem 911 (which died in the whole EZ Boards hacking fiasco), and Absolute Write’s Poetry Critique Forum. In all of these I’d estimate that I critiqued somewhere around 1,000 poems. No, I don’t think I’m exaggerating. I copied off a bunch of them, but not all I’m sure, and have them in notebooks, preserved for posterity and research, should I become a famous author who someone ever wants to research.

Editing Illustration 02A thousand critiques at an average of perhaps 300 words each is 300,000 words. If anything I’m probably short with that. That’s a lot of time and effort given to critiquing. What I did was analyze the poem as a work-in-progress. Literary criticism—whatever that is exactly—was not the goal, but rather helping the poet bring the poem to a state of completion as the best poem possible for the subject matter and desires of the poet. In short, it was to be an editor. Not a cheerleader. Not a critic. But an editor.

During the years, ever since around 1998, I’ve also been in writers critique groups in real life, and one time on-line. It was the same thing: look at works in progress and consider how they might be made better in the writer’s quest for publication. These weren’t written, or at least not type-written and posted for all the world to see. A handful of us sat around a table and marked manuscripts in pen/pencil and gave oral crits. Still, it was the same type of editing, it seems to me. Sometimes I was most concerned with what is essentially proofreading. At other times it was line edits: looking at grammar and sentence structure to see how the writer’s intent can be better communicated. Still other times it was structural edits. I remember critiquing one piece at an e-mail critique group where the woman described a character as timid. Then she had the girl go up to a fellow student she knew of but didn’t know and offer help to her. It was completely out of character. I pointed that out; I’d call it a structural edit. Still other times I’d do a big picture edit, such as is the plot interesting? Are there holes or conflicts in the plot? Those kinds of things. Different types of edits as the situation arose.

Now I’m editing my next publishing project, a book titled Thomas Carlyle’s Edinburgh Encyclopedia Articles. These are public domain articles that I found in five different places, plus a few notes that others have written about them (explanatory notes, not critique). I know I’ve written about this project before. These twenty-one articles have never been gathered before, so I decided to do so and add it to the Carlyle bibliography. I pulled the publisher’s note and editor’s introduction from the 1897 re-printing of sixteen of them, and pulled some references to them that Carlyle made in his own letters. But I knew I needed to write an introduction of my own. So I did. Last night I sent the much-critiqued Intro to my critique group, which meets next Tuesday. We’ll see what they say.

Editing Illustration 01But I’ve had other things to do as well, things that an editor would do. Such trivial things as deciding how much info to give about each article. How the text should appear on the page. Whether to break up long paragraphs (I didn’t), whether to modernize archaic punctuation techniques (I did). How to make lists and tables work best in modern typesetting and e-book formats. I suppose some of this is book production, but it feels like editing to me.

So through all of this I’ve been acquiring my editor’s eye. They (that is, various experts and claimed-to-be experts) advise that one who self publishes should hire an editor before ever publishing their works. I think that’s good advice, in general, but a very expensive practice. Simple line editing for an average length probably costs $300 dollars. Add proofreading, structural edit, and big picture edit, and you will have a large editing bill. I don’t know about others, but I don’t have $500 or $1000 to pay for editing. Therefore I just have to do the best job of producing the book with the skills I have.

So maybe all my editing work through the years, even that from before I realized I was editing, is helping me with my self publishing. I’d like to think so.

A Teenager Watches His Father Grieve

I’ve read “Mom’s Letter” to three different critique groups. Well, I actually read it to two; I sent it by e-mail to the third one and let them critique it in the next meeting. Actually, in the two groups where I read it, I broke down crying mid way through, and someone else had to finish it for me. Oh, I also shared it with an on-line critique group when I first wrote it, back around 2004.

One reaction I received from each of these four groups is the lack of feeling from the father—my father. While not all parts of the short story are true, the ride home from scout camp is, as close to word for word as I can make it. One item of fiction at that point: I didn’t do the mile swim at camp that year. I matured late as a swimmer, and think I was 18 before I could swim a mile.

Back to Dad. People don’t like how he broke the news to me that Mom was on her death-bed in the hospital. They things like, “I want to smack him in the head.” “Oh, what a cruel, unfeeling man!” Funny, though, I didn’t intend to portray him that way, nor did he seem that way to me at the time. I asked when Mom was getting out of the hospital, and he said, “You don’t understand. She’ not getting out this time.”

The on-line crit group said I simply had to make a change, to give the dad some greater degree of feeling. I wasn’t sure why I had to do this. As a thirteen year old, I didn’t find dad unfeeling. He spoke to me directly, expressing surprise that I hadn’t noticed all summer that Mom was dying. I felt that the fault was mine. Possibly I was self-absorbed. Possibly I was subconsciously ignoring the obvious. Whatever the reason, I hadn’t seen it, and Dad was surprised at that.

I suppose readers fault him for not having told his son before that what was happening. Why he didn’t I don’t know, but no such conversation took place before that ride in the car.

Looking back on that, close to 47 years later, I think I must have understood that Dad was grieving too, but that he had to stay strong for the sake of his three children. One scene from the short story that’s true is Dad laying on the couch in the living room that Mom used to lie on, and pound the wall in anguish, the wall Mom used to pound in pain, and say, “Why did you have to die, Dotty? Why?” That went on for a couple of weeks.

Yet, he never broke down, never showed any weakness. Grief, yes; but weakness, no. Of course, he had known what was happening. For years he knew her days were numbered, then for months he knew the end was near. I think he did a lot of grieving before she died.

As I said in my last post, maybe this short story will help someone else out in their grieving process. Maybe they will understand what their surviving parent is going through. If so, “Mom’s Letter” will have accomplished something.