Category Archives: trials

Bible study, miscellaneous, reading, trials

A Self-Taught Lesson

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In recent weeks I have experienced three instances where “wrongs” were done against me, at least in my perception. I don’t want to go into any details. Let’s just say that two of the three are certain, while the third is “iffy”.

The last two of these, the certain ones, were on the same day,  almost on top of each other. It threw me for a loop for a couple of days. I went around depressed—not a clinical type depression, but more of a  wondering how to handle the two situations. One of them, if I didn’t want to, I would never have to see the person again. The other didn’t include that luxury. The third, the lesser one, was more a case of where I was very disappointed in someone’s words, words not directed at me but at a situation in life in general.

If I remember correctly, the two things happened on a Friday. Saturday evening, as is my habit, I took a look at the Life Group lesson I would teach the next day. It was Jesus cursing the fig tree, it shriveling up, and how he taught the disciples from this. It’s found in the two of the gospels, Matthew and Mark. I studied from my “Harmony of the Gospels”. It’s been enjoyable to use my own study tool for this series.

Jesus cursed the fig tree on Monday of Holy Week. He said, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again!” It was on Tuesday, when they passed the same way to go to Jerusalem that the disciples noticed the tree had withered. They questioned Jesus about how this happened, to which he replied that through prayer this was possible, using his metaphor of the mountain being cast into the sea.

But then, he added something, sort of the unsolicited advice he gave when he noted the true condition of someone’s mind and heart before they did. He said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sin.” This particular teaching is found in Matthew but not Mark.

This hit me hard. I realized I held something against someone, against three someones. If I were praying, and if I expected my prayers to be successful, I needed to forgive them. I wasn’t to wait for them to realize the wrong they’d done and ask for forgiveness. My forgiving them was to be instantaneous, and not asked for. This wasn’t something to delay into the future, when next we meet.

As I studied my lesson, I kept coming back to that concept. Maybe the things I held against these people weren’t wrongs at all. Perhaps my perception of what they did was wrong. Perhaps what they did was unintentional: they didn’t recognize what the consequences of their action or words would be. None of that mattered. I was to forgive.

My forgiveness would be for me, not for them. They wouldn’t know about it. The scripture doesn’t say I’m to seek them out and express this forgiveness to them. How would that sound? “Hey, sir or madam, you don’t realize you wronged me, and you haven’t asked for forgiveness, but I forgive you anyways.” No, I don’t think that’s what Jesus intended. You forgive, immediately, whether they ever ask or not.

So, I did that. I forgave each of them, and hold no animosity to them. In one case I could see that the person was actually helpful, but did so in a clumsy way. Another was a simple mental lapse due to disorganization, certainly with no evil intent. The third is a difference of opinion, and will likely forever remain so. I ought to be able to allow others to have different opinions without holding a grudge.

I learned my lesson. Let’s hope that I’ll be able to put it into practice going forward without having those bad moments of moping about wrongs or perceived wrongs.

Adam Of Jerusalem, Documenting America, miscellaneous, trials, Writing

Still Getting Things Done (in Retirement)

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When I was a full-time, working engineer, not all that long ago, I used to occasionally post about getting things done. This would be at times of particular busyness, or perhaps when I was able to complete a major writing task in the face of a normal heavy schedule at work.

Now retired, for not quite two months, I find I’m not getting to all my tasks as well as I’d like to. Last Friday, I felt so overwhelmed by needed to do things, I made a to-do list. First on that was “Fix toilet”. The flush valve in the master bathroom had quit working a day or two before. It wouldn’t shut off when the tank filled. I went out on Thursday to get the new works to put in, but didn’t get it in.

Last Friday I was asked to attend a meeting in my consultant roll for my former company, which meant I didn’t get right on that job. I finally did Friday afternoon, but, as inept as I am with plumbing work, I couldn’t get everything right. So we still couldn’t use that bathroom.

I’ll cut this short, because nobody likes to hear stories about toilets. On Saturday I re-did it and managed to get the works properly installed. However, I loosened something on the supply line, and we still had a small leak. It was then the Presidents Day weekend, so I wasn’t able to call our plumber till Tuesday. He came Wednesday and fixed it, a minor adjustment in the tightness of the supply line. No charge. One thing off the list.

Last Friday morning we woke up to frozen precipitation from the night. I started our old van to clear ice from the windshield, giving myself plenty of time to make my appointment. The street appeared to be mostly dry. I came out a few minutes later, hopped in the van, put it in reverse, and promptly rolled forward. I jammed on the breaks in time so that it didn’t hit the garage. Only then did I notice the van had stalled. It has such a quiet engine I didn’t notice that.

Now I had to start the new van, clear the ice from the windshield, and hurry to my meeting. I made it with a little to spare. It was coming home from that that I tackled the toilet job.

I won’t bore you with the rest of my to-do list from last weekend. Taking down the majority of the Christmas decorations that we’d never done was one thing accomplished and checked-off. Many smaller tasks remained. Most of those were checked off as well.

As for writing tasks, I did such things as:

  • read submissions for the new critique group
  • begin beta-reading a friend’s book
  • print a copy of Adam Of Jerusalem and deliver it to my third beta-reader
  • finish the Table of Contents for my next book, Documenting America: Making The Constitution Edition.

That brought me through the holiday (which didn’t feel like a holiday for me except that the stock market was closed). I think it was on Tuesday that I was in The Dungeon. I made some trades when the market opened, read and critiqued another submission for critique group, and sat back. My to-do list had been completed—almost. All I didn’t do was contact the potential cover artist for AoJ. What should I do next?

Almost out of the blue it occurred to me that I could begin my real work on DA:MCE, which is: reading the source documents, editing them down to reasonable length, writing an intro, writing historical context, and writing the current events tie-in. So I indeed did that. As of yesterday, I had completed three chapters, about a tenth of the book.

I can’t tell you how good that felt. I should be able to complete two chapters ever three days, meaning that the first draft of the book could be ready around mid-April, and I could be publishing it in mid-May. Now that’s getting things done.

But, I must report on one more important item. I don’t know if I’ve written before that I still haven’t had my Social Security and Medicare Part B approved and activated. I didn’t realize how long the government took to get this done. Two things that slowed it down was the fact that the IRS had an identity flag on my SS number due to the identity theft attempt from 2017; the other was, perhaps, the government shut down. Also, it seemed I had given them a wrong phone number to reach me at.

They finally contacted me while I was in Texas early this month. They assured me my application was moving and my benefits would be retroactive to January 1st, both Social Security and Medicare Part B. That was good, but I still couldn’t apply for supplemental insurance until all that was settled. While this was mostly out of my hands, it was still something that I felt like was on my to-do list, to get this done.

Yesterday I realized I still hadn’t heard from them that my benefits had started, so I shot the woman I’ve had contact with an e-mail, asking for a status update. Then, last night, I pulled up my on-line banking to make sure the checkbook was up to date. Lo and behold, there was a SS deposit for me, made on Wednesday, for one month’s SS payment. I still haven’t had any paperwork come in the mail, but there was money in my account.

That means that my Medicare part B is also established, which means that today I can call the supplemental insurance company I want to use and get that going. that is on my today list. As are a number of other items, but at least I’m feeling good about getting things done.

Oh, yes, about the van. I finally made arrangements yesterday afternoon  for it to be towed to the nearby Dodge dealership. This morning they called me. The did a normal servicing, but otherwise could find nothing wrong with it. What in the world? I guess I’ll go down and get it, and maybe it really is okay. But at least it’s checked off my to-do list.

Now, what needs to be added?

Engineering, technology woes, The Gutter Chronicles, trials, Writing

Stewardship of My Time

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For my few readers who come by to see what I may have posted lately, I’m sorry to have been disappointingly absent. I have reasons for what divided my time. Some was busyness. Some was being overwhelmed by my task list. Some was just laziness.

20 year old airbags deployed

But, I do have one big excuse that I think is valid. On February 14 I was in an auto accident. This was my first accident since April 1969 (when I was a junior in high school) and my first as a driver. I don’t count a few fender-benders here and there. A man pulled out in front of me, while a large truck was blocking his view of our lane and my view of him pulling out. My right front hit his left front, with a slight angle.

I wasn’t hurt. My passenger wasn’t hurt—or so it seemed. Burn marks showed up on my right arm and left thumb, and on her stomach. Those were just superficial. Later, I found pain in my shoulder, and went back to the doctor about it. I had injured my shoulder in a fall on the ice five days before. But, it was healing from that. The prior injury was aggravated by the accident.

Burns were from the air bag, I think. It healed in less than a week.

Simple things were suddenly made hard, such as: closing the car door from inside; rubbing my hands together to wash them; reaching for things; lifting even light things; threading a belt into my pants while wearing them. I could go on.

Typing on a keyboard was, surprisingly, not very much affected. I do need to keep my arms closer to my torso as I type, but I can do that. Holding a book to read hasn’t been a problem. Driving is okay, except for turning the steering wheel. I have to do more of it with my right arm now, and baby my left arm.

When I went back to the doctor, she said the pain I described in my arm is typically caused by neck damage, not shoulder damage. They took x-rays, confirmed nothing was broken, but that my neck has damage. I went on steroids and muscle relaxer. They may have helped some, but not completely. For several nights I couldn’t sleep. I would wake at 2:00 a.m. in bad pain, and have to go out and sleep in my reading chair for a couple of hours. The change from horizontal to vertical back to horizontal seemed to work. Still, I wouldn’t say I was getting good sleep. The last couple of nights have been better.

This has all taken much time. Dealing with doctors and workman’s comp (since we were on company time going on company business). Dealing with insurance companies, which isn’t over yet. Missing work time for accident issues, resulting in things backing up.

The second volume in the series should be out in a month or so.

But, during this time, I was able to finish the first draft of The Gutter Chronicles – Volume 2. I wrote “the end” on Sunday afternoon. And, I’ve now completed a round of edits and sent the thing off to my beta reader today. I started the editing process before I finished the writing. So, on Sunday and Monday I only had a few more chapters to edit, and was able to get them done and typed. This feels good. Publication is probably a month off.

One other thing that’s big for me: I have learned to use my laptop with the laptop keyboard. For over a year, this laptop has been my main computer, but I use it with a regular keyboard. Of late, however, I’ve been disconnecting the laptop from its docking station and using it as a real laptop. I typed a couple of chapters on it. I’m typing this blog on it. Before this, I would have great difficulty with a laptop keyboard. Now, I’m finding it easier.

So, although I haven’t been faithful in making posts here, my time has, I think, been well-spent.

Christmas, miscellaneous, trials, Writing

Can’t Get Excited

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Can’t get excited about blogging.

Can’t get excited about Christmas.

Can’t get excited about work.

Can’t get excited about writing.

Can’t get excited about life in general.

I’m not sure what it’s going to take to snap me out of this. I know I will. It might have to wait till after Christmas. I don’t know why, but I’ve never warmed up to Christmas. We are way past the days of Christmas busyness, with the kids gone. Maybe it’s the incredibly gaudy commercialism of the holiday. But I can almost say I can’t stand Christmas. It’s not quite that bad, but it’s close.

In the last week writing has taken a back seat to busyness of tasks and weariness of mind. The tasks are not yet done. I replaced two old computers with laptops, for which I already have extra monitors. But, even though I bought docking stations for the monitors, I can’t figure out how to get them connected. Everything is connected, but how do I get the computer to know the monitors are there? I guess I’ll figure it out. But until I do I can’t decommission the old computers. With that hanging over me, I don’t feel like doing much of anything.

So, I’ll make this blog post, listen to a little doo-wop, and head upstairs for reading. Hopefully I’ll be able to write some day soon.

miscellaneous, trials

Serenity vs. Tragedy

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Once again, yesterday, I was struck at the difference between serenity and tragedy, and how the two coexist simultaneously, right next to each other.

I conducted a final inspection of a construction project yesterday. It was a big project, and we divided it into two mornings. Yesterday was the second. I met folks on the site at 9:00 a.m., though I was there early enough to drive the roads around the project and check them. The day before had been hot, and I was exhausted at the end. Yesterday was cooler, cloudy, with rain threatening. It did in fact sprinkle on us soon after we started. At one point it was more than sprinkling, and we ducked under a covered entrance. The coolness helped us; the rain hindered us. Less than two hours after starting, we had a short punch list of things to correct, and I headed back to the office.

It was pizza day at the office, a replacement for bar-b-que day since our lunch room is closed for renovation. While on site an e-mail had come through to my phone that said the pizza would be there around 11:30. I think it was just before 11 that I parked and walked to the building. Three guys from the office were standing at the door I use, so I said, “I bet you guys are here to intercept the pizza dude and get first dibs!” One man said no, they had come outside to give a certain woman in the office some space (I won’t identify her), that she had screamed loudly, having learned of some significant problem over the phone.

I walked inside. All was dead quiet. We have a relatively quiet workplace, but not like this. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and stayed in my office for a while, waiting till I heard something. I checked the woman’s Facebook feed, and found nothing. A half hour later I was still as much in the dark. Then, on the Facebook feed of the wife of a co-worker came a notice to pray for an unnamed close friend, who had lost a son in tragic circumstances. Could this have been the tragedy? I checked the pages of her adult children (to the extent they were public), and again found nothing.

The pizza was there, so I went to eat. Everyone was talking as you normally would at a lunch provided by the company. Or, perhaps slightly muted compared to normal. I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. The woman wasn’t around, but she often isn’t for these kinds of lunches.

The afternoon rolled on, business as usual for me, and for those I encountered. My work didn’t take me at all by this woman’s desk, and I didn’t know how to ask about what had happened. Finally, the workday over, I headed to my pick-up, and in the parking lot talked with one of our admin assistants who was also leaving. She said that our co-worker had indeed lost her son, unexpectedly in tragic circumstances.

I drove home, stopping for milk and ice cream. We heated leftovers for supper, then I picked blackberries around our circle, finding a new patch not very far from the house. It was my best day yet for picking. After that I went through the mail, did some trading accounting work in The Dungeon until my computer locked up. Then I went back upstairs and read till close to 11:00 p.m. A small but strong thunderstorm knocked out our internet and cable, so all was quiet within the house—serene.

All evening the contrast stayed with me, in a way I hadn’t felt for about three decades. All was serene with me and, in the office, with my co-workers. Except for this one woman, who started the day serenely but ended it having to bury her son. I thought how tomorrow (which is now today) would be the same way. This morning her Facebook page finally confirmed publicly what I’d been told privately.

For most of us the world goes on. Most of our times in America are serene, calm. Business sometimes brings stress, as does the myriad of simple chores required to live. But our worst problems are serenity compared to what she is facing.

Dear God, give her and her family strength through this tragedy. Bring them through the initial grieving to a place of peace, your peace. Help them to say goodbye to their loved one and to carry forward fond memories. Heal their scars from this, and bring them to a place of triumph. And may we, who live lives or relative serenity, be more observant of and helpful to those who don’t.

commuting, trials, Wesley

Spiritual Guidance From John Wesley

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As I continue to spend a few minutes most workday mornings in the letters of John Wesley, I find them a curious mixture. Some of them are for business, about houses rented for chapels and where preachers should be assigned. Some of them are for doctrine and church practices. These tend to be very long and difficult to unravel. Often they take the form of: “You wrote ‘this’, to which I replied ‘this’; then you wrote ‘this’, and I now say this. You would have to have the letters of the other correspondent to truly understand.

But letters of spiritual guidance have, thus far in my reading, been mostly lacking. Until yesterday, when I read a letter Wesley wrote to John Haime, who was either in the army or recently discharged and was a Methodist lay preacher. Here’s what Wesley wrote on June 21, 1748.

Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which God hath seen good to try you with. Indeed, the chastisement for the present is not joyous, but grievous; nevertheless it will by-and-by bring forth the peaceable fruits of righteousness. It is good for you to be in the fiery furnace; though the flesh be weary to bear it, you shall be purified therein, but not consumed; for there is one with you whose form is as the Son of God. O look up! Take knowledge of Him who spreads underneath you His everlasting arms! Lean upon Him with the whole weight of your soul. He is yours; lay hold upon Him.

No one likes to undergo trials, certainly not trials of enough severity they can be called “fiery”. But fire purifies, so if one approaches the trial with the right attitude and fortitude, the result will be beneficial.

I suppose this also applies to the trials that cannot be described as fiery, the everyday trials that seem bad for a moment but which really aren’t. Such as the driver of the black Kia in front of me, like me poised to turn right at the red light, but who was so timid he/she didn’t take advantage of three or four good gaps to pull out onto Walton Boulevard. Thus my commute was 20 or 30 seconds longer this morning. I called that driver a couple of names (fairly mild; nothing I couldn’t say in front of the wife). It made me feel good for a moment, but bad afterward.

I missed a refining moment this morning. Perhaps it will return today. O look up! Take knowledge of Him who spreads underneath me His everlasting arms! Lean upon Him with the whole weight of my soul. He is mine; lay hold upon Him.