Monthly Archives: July 2021

miscellaneous, poetry, Robert Frost

The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep

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The patch of land, cleared by the power co-op quickly being overgrown, makes he woods look not all that dark in this photo. The eye, in this case, sees more than the camera does.

People who know and love poetry might recognize the title of this post as coming from Robert Frost’s poem “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening”. Over the years I have come to like this poem much, but once upon a time I hated it.

I hated it because of how it was used by a string of English teachers, year after year, and how they insisted that this was a suicide poem. That may even include two favorite English teachers. If so, they did a good job except for this. I never could see suicide in the poem. The teachers said you had to look below the words on the surface and find the hidden meaning the poet was really saying. I couldn’t see it. To my schoolboy mind, the teachers ridiculed you if you couldn’t see it. Years later I wrote a poem about those experiences.

A critic I will never be.

What others “know” I seldom see.

Thought most did, I just never could

see death in that dark snowy wood.

Let others find some hidden meaning.

Such deep insights I won’t be gleaning.

But please, don’t take this as a stricture.

I just enjoy the pretty picture.

Not much of a poem. It has no hidden meaning. No metaphor or simile. The only poetical devices are rhyme, meter, and line breaks. Maybe a touch of word play.

A few days ago, I was outside our house in the street, just up the hill in front of the vacant lot next to me. We live in a lightly developed area; four houses on our street and twenty undeveloped lots, all forested. I looked down into the woods of that lot, and it was dark. It was a bright sunshiny day, but the leaf canopy of the oaks let no light in. The sun, beginning its western descent, was shining on the forest at the edge of the road, but the woods were dark.

I’ve never noticed that before, the incredible darkness of the woods on a sunny day. Maybe the leafy canopy is denser than normal this year. Yesterday I purposely went outside to see the woods (from the street) at noon. The high sun penetrated the canopy in a few places. Most of the wood seemed dark, but the few sunlit places would give someone in the woods a target to go to.

At different times during the day I went into the woods. Just one row of trees from the open area cleared by the power company, but the view was completely different. The darkness of the woods seemed deeper. My eyes adjusted to the reduced light (the sun now being behind my back and me in shade), so I could better see individual trees until tree after tree stacked together and you couldn’t see any further into the woods.

Just 15 feet—one row of trees—into the wood and it looks different, darker. Much to explore here, and learn about.

Why did people, English teachers especially, think “Snowy Wood” was a suicide poem? Primarily because of the last stanza, where Frost repeats “and miles to go before I sleep.” The first time this phrase is used, they say, the poet narrator means that night that he is looking at the woods. The second time he uses it, they say, he means sleep as death. His death is a long way off, and those promises he has to keep are burdensome. Thus, he wishes he could just go off into that wonderful, dark and deep snowy wood, die, and be released from his burden.

As I look at the dark and deep woods that surround our house, I have no such foreboding, no such longing. I have much to do in life. While I may be retired, every hour of the day is filled with meaningful, stimulating, sometimes physically exhausting things. Writing, Reading, Praying. Stock trading. Even decluttering and dis-accumulation. I’m so far from being ready to die that I don’t think of it, most of the time.

But I do think of it as I look at the world around me, and people close to me. A number of people in our adult Sunday school class are facing serious health issues. Death may not be on the doorstep but he’s certainly on the block, right around the corner. Wednesday we learned of the death of another high school classmate. That’s now around 80 or 90 out of a class of 725. I didn’t know this man in school, as life circumstances then prevented me from meeting many except for those in my classes, football, track, and band. And even some of them have faded from memory.

But, clearly, the older I get the more death closes in, just like the impenetrable woods.

To me, the woods represent opportunity, something to explore, something to master. not to tear it down, but to get to know it. I have the rest of a lifetime to do so, whatever God allows me to have. I hope I use the time well.

The woods are indeed lovely, dark and deep. But I do have promises to keep and, hopefully, miles to go before I sleep. It’s not about death but about life.

book reviews, Christianity

Book Review: Life and Diary of David Brainerd

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It took me at least ten years to finish this. A combination of many things to do and read, and maybe some repetitive boring passages and extraneous material caused me to set this aside for most of that time.

If you start reading a book, get 3/5th of the way through it, lay it aside, and pick it up again and finish it ten years later, does that say something about the book or about you?

That’s what happened to me with The Life and Diary of David Brainerd. It might actually be more than ten years, though for sure less than twenty. My edition of this book was printed in 1989 by Baker Book House, a reprint of the 1949 edition, edited by Philip E Howard, Jr. The original diary and life dates from 1749, first written and edited by Jonathan Edwards, the famed preacher.

Brainerd (1718-1747), from Haddam Connecticut, attended Yale University then became a missionary to the Indians, specifically the Delaware Indians of northern New Jersey. But he was a sick man, suffering from what modern scholars believe was tuberculosis. He had considerable success in his evangelistic efforts.

Brainerd kept a diary and journal at various times during his ministry. Sometimes this was required by the organization that sponsored his ministry. Sometimes he wrote of his own accord. After his death following a lengthy decline, Edwards, in whose house Brainerd spent his final months, had all the younger man’s journals and edited and published them, along with biographical material that Edwards wrote.

The journal is, like many journals are, somewhat boring. Brainerd wrote much the same thing from day to day. At least he did at certain times. At other times, especially in his last three years, he had more substantial and varied writing. It was more interesting. He was quite a man, working through poor health to evangelize the Indians. He took part in their everyday lives, not just preaching to them. It seems that the Indians loved him and regretted his parting from them when his health no longer permitted him to work.

Why did I put this book aside all those years ago? Like I said, it was somewhat boring. That was just the early part. Had I persevered, I would have come to the last third, which was considerably more interesting. I was also put off by the lengthy biography of Jonathan Edwards included. Philip Howard used 30 pages for a bio of Edwards, then two pages of a list of Edwards’ works. That left 320 some pages of the Life-Journal-Diary. I remember thinking that, if I wanted a bio of the fiery Edwards, I would have read a biography of him. For me, at the beginning of the book, it was wasted.

I picked up the book again about a month ago and finished it. I did so because I don’t like to abandon a book I start. Also, because I figured the book wasn’t a keeper. I wanted to finish it, then put it out for sale or donation. Finish it I did. And, as I thought, it isn’t a keeper. Once I finish this post, off to the garage it will go for disposition, one more book read and off the shelves.

I probably sound too negative. It’s a good book. If I were to rate it I’d give it 3 or 4 stars. It’s just not something I see myself ever reading again.

Health, home improvements, miscellaneous

Still Tired

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One friend I exchange letters with, via e-mail, said, “You really don’t understand retirement”, or something close to that. As I said in Monday’s post, I stay busy. So I guess my friend is right.

This week, every morning, I’ve been out in the yard around 6:30 a.m. to do my work before the heat of the day comes. I’m pulling weeds from a couple of places. Also, Mon-Tues-Wed I cut the deadwood from our crepe myrtle bush. The branches all died in last winter’s extreme cold, but new shoots are coming up. The dead branches took a lot of sawing, so I spread that hard work out over three days. But it’s done. Tomorrow, I have just a little more weed pulling left, then bush trimming (evergreen and boxwoods), which I should be able to do in an hour or so. Then I’ll haul the cuttings and the deadwood off to the brush piles I’ve made in the woods nearby. Then, next week, I can tackle the backyard.

All this has left me pretty tired. You would think that an hour of yardwork a day wouldn’t tucker me out, but it seems to. That’s a lot of bending and stooping. A rock yard should be easier to keep up than a grass yard, right? Maybe if you spray for weeds regularly to keep them from growing, but pulling them out by hand is real work. Hopefully it’s keeping me young.

Wait, if I can’t work an hour in the yard without wanting to rest the rest of the day, I am no longer young. I keep telling myself that there’s nothing wrong with me that losing another 40 pounds (on top of the 80 already lost) won’t cure, but maybe that’s not true. I haven’t felt much like walking lately, though maybe that’s the heat more than energy. Walking seems to give me energy. Maybe I am old.

The fatigue I’ve felt has slopped over to non-physical pursuits. My work on the history book for the church anniversary is close to done. I’ve started the process of looking into printing options. I should now be spending time on my next two writing projects. But, after a brief rest after yardwork, I haven’t felt like new writing. I do a little hole-plugging on the church book, bringing it from 98% done to 99.5% done, but my mind hasn’t wanted to wrap around my work.

I did manage one mental task this morning. I finally called an appliance repair man to come and see about our oven. The lower heating element went out a couple of months ago. The porkchop and rice casserole I made last night took three hours to cook, so I’d had enough. The man is to come out late today or sometime tomorrow.

So that’s something. Next, maybe I’ll get our barely functioning vacuum cleaner replaced. After that, maybe I’ll return to decluttering activities. Or maybe I’ll get two listings made today, if I can multi-task these house and home items.

Then, and only then, will I have mental energy to work on my writing.

Oh, yes, one more thing. I have decided that next year I will hire a “lawn” service to spray for weeds in the front yard. If that works well and there’s no weed pulling to do, maybe the year after next I’ll do the same for the back yard. That will be my nod to retirement and the accumulating years.

Christianity, miscellaneous

Tired, But Slogging On

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Two ads running for this, both getting impressions but no clicks. Hoping to do three more ads this week.

I had great plans for my blog post today. I have three books recently read that I should review. I have things to say about writing but cannot wrap my mind around it.

The weekend was filled with work on the church anniversary book. I know, in the last post I said I was done with that project. But, as I sought to plug those holes I talked about. I found some other resources and am trying to make contact with relatives of various former pastors or church members. I’ve heard back from a couple, and they should be supplying me with information that will plug the holes. So that tiny little amount of writing left is closer to being done.

So what’s making me tired? And is it mental or physical? A little bit of both. Saturday I got out early and did close to two hours of yard work, including a lot of bending and stooping, as well as removing cuttings and pullings off to the woods. I came back into the house exhausted. I still did work inside the house for the rest of the day, and ended the day quite tired. One of the things I did was go through a large box of photos for the anniversary book. I tried to sort and label some of the envelopes, but I found that exhausting.

Then, I think the work that is required of me this week is causing me mental exhaustion even before I undertake it. I have a number of phone calls to make about home repairs, about the book, and about other writing. We have three medical appointments to go to this week, one a 45 mile drive away down a busy interstate. We will get through it, but thinking about it is exhausting. One of those appointments could result in a number of follow-up appointments, as they figure out a treatment regimen for Lynda’s enlarged thyroid problem.

What else is causing tiredness? Or maybe weariness is a better word to use. Thinking about menus while Lynda is still on a restricted diet post-ablation. Thinking of the continued morning yardwork. Thinking about re-starting our de-cluttering activities. I’m also going through the Amazon Ad Profit Challenge for the third (or maybe the fourth) time, trying to grasp things that left me confused in past times. I made two new ads so far, this time for Acts Of Faith. Both ads are getting impressions but no clicks, no sales. Hopefully those will come with time.

Yesterday was restful, as a Lord’s Day should be. But at church I had to make a brief presentation in both services about the work I’m doing with the anniversary book. Those went okay, though I was sweating profusely afterwards. Here’s  a link to the second service, should you want to see it. My part runs from about 36:20 to 40:00 in the video.

So here I am, writing this on Sunday evening for Monday posting. I have Beethoven’s 6th Symphony running in the background. As soon as I finish this post I’ll get on our evening reading aloud. Hopefully, in the morning, when this post actually goes public, I will be renewed and refreshed.

Christianity, History

My Writing Project Is Done—Sort Of

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This man was instrumental in establishing our church. Yet almost no one in the congregation knows anything about him. His secrets will all be revealed. Well, maybe not all.

As I’ve said in other posts, my main writing project has been a book for our church’s 100th anniversary. Originally planned to be held in Oct 2021 (a delay due to covid), then pushed to around April 2022, and finally set for July 2022, the delays in the celebration mean I’m way ahead of schedule. But I really had no idea how big the book would be. So, predicting when I would finish it was difficult.

Yesterday I had a meeting with our pastor, my first with him to discuss the book since he asked me to write it last November. I’ve been running progress reports and snippets by the Anniversary Committee, and I’ve had drafts posted on our Google Drive site. And, I’ve shared the manuscript electronically with a couple of people outside of the church and received feedback. But, until you have the pastor’s blessing on the product, you don’t know whether you’re on the right path.

Fortunately, Pastor Mark seemed pleased with the book, maybe even impressed. He made some helpful suggestions on additions in a few places. I’ve already made a couple of those changes. The others will require interviewing people. They will be short interviews of people I have already spoken with.

At present, the book is a little over 28,000 words long, about double what I thought it might be when I undertook the project (though, as I said, I had no basis for knowing how long it would be). By the time I add these few items remaining, it should still be less than 29,000.

The main work remaining is to find photos and load them in the book. They will be placeholder photos, coming in at on-line quality (which won’t do for print). And the layout of those photos within the book will be somewhat of a nightmare. I’ll begin that work when I’ve put the last few words in the book and change the page size to the print size. Fortunately, one on our committee is an expert at digital layout. I’ll either turn the photo insertions over to her or will lean heavily on her expertise.

So when I say that the book is done, I guess I’m saying that all essential words are there. If some said to me tomorrow, “You’re out of time; we have to go to press now”, I would feel good about what’s already written and have no regrets. Sure, more high quality photos nicely arranged and a few more words would be worthwhile. But I will be happy whether they get in the book or not.

So, it’s almost on to the next project. Stay tuned for more about that.

Christianity, family

Would You Trade Five Years In Heaven?

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Ah, the beauty of God’s creation, tapped and packaged by man. We are not to love it more than God Himself.

It was not my day to teach our Life Group class yesterday. And, since Lynda is still recovering from her heart ablation on Friday, I decided to stay home and join the class via Zoom. Since my co-teacher is a veterinarian and sometimes gets called in even on his weekend off, I always prepare to teach. I did so on Saturday, and then some more yesterday morning. Good thing, as he almost didn’t make it due to veterinary duties. Our study is in 1st John, and our scripture for yesterday was 1 John 2:15-17

15Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

Lots of years to spend with these four. But should I not want heaven more?

As I prepared to teach and worked through various lines of discussion, I found the concept of not loving the world difficult to work out. God created the world. God so loved the world. Should we not love it? Obviously there is some nuance here. Perhaps the word “love” needs some explanation. Or the word “world”. What exactly does that mean?

I thought of the difference between the world and life. I wouldn’t say that I love my life, but I do like it and enjoy it. God has given me certain skills which I am able to use to change the world, one book at a time, one letter at a time. I have children influence then watch as they moved into adult responsibilities and careers. And grandchildren to watch and influence a little as they grow up. I would hate to miss all that. And I have a wife to love and care for, and share the years with.

What a joy it was watching these two grow up, and perhaps influencing them a little.

But the thought came to me: Would I trade five years in heaven to have five more on earth to accomplish more and be part of the family? I’d like to have those five years to accomplish more; a lot more than that really. If God were to say to me, “I know you have things you want to do, things that you will enjoy and find fulfilling. But I’m ready for you to come home. It’s your choice.” What would I do?

The same thing happened to King Hezekiah in the Old Testament. God said his time had come. He told God he wasn’t ready. God answered that prayer and gave him 15 years more. During Hezekiah’s extra 15 years weren’t all that good, as he showed more interest in his own wealth and position than he did in the things of God.

And spending more time with my soulmate.

But I love the things in my life. I’d like to live it some more. And therein lies the problem and probably what John meant. While there’s a lot of bad stuff in the world, there’s a lot of good stuff too. A lot of enjoyment. A lot of satisfaction. Ah, but heaven! The beauty of God’s creation, the beauty of a life being well lived, cannot replace the beauty of heaven.

Maybe that’s the answer to John’s question. No, not a question but a command. Do not love the world or the things in the world. Do not let anything take precedence over God. Enjoy life while you can, but earnestly desire heaven when that time comes. Until then, I will embrace what the apostle Paul said:

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far…. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue….

family, Health

Thoughts You Don’t Want To Think

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[Dateline: 8 July 2021, 8 a.m.]

This post will go live tomorrow, at 7:30 a.m. I write it now and schedule it because I will be quite busy at that time. Actually, I will be in a hospital waiting room at that time as Lynda will be undergoing a heart ablation. We have to be at the hospital, about a 45 minute drive, at 5:30 a.m. We haven’t had such an early wake-up and departure in a long time, our recent trip to Chicago excepted.

Lynda’s heart first went into a-fib in the fall of 2019. She began seeing a cardiologist at that time. They scheduled some kind of procedure (maybe a heart inversion), but when she got to the hospital her heart was in normal rhythm, so they canceled it. Since then they’ve been watching it, having Lynda take her blood pressure and being careful with her activity. Her heartbeat has sometimes dropped to 45. When she was in the hospital in April 2020 for her appendix, she went into a-fib and they had to treat it.

Fortunately, she has great awareness of when she goes into a-fib. It happened on the drive home from Chicago on Monday, but lasted only a short time. With a new medication, she hasn’t had those really slow heart rate.

The “ablation”—and I don’t know how I got that name—seems to me to be an odd procedure. The put electrodes through the groin up a vein and zap the vessels adjacent to the heart (arteries or veins, I’m not sure which) with electricity. The goal is to cause scar tissue to build up on the vessels, and supposedly the scar tissue will prevent the heart from going into a-fib. How that will prevent a-fib is a mystery to me. And who first thought of it to begin with?

It is also possible that they will decide instead (or maybe both) to install a pacemaker in her. That decision will be made during the procedure. They say this will be a 3 or 4 hour procedure.

I’ll be in the waiting area. Since Arkansas is now having a surge in covid cases, mainly the delta variation, I don’t know where exactly I will be. Plus this is a new hospital for us to go to. I don’t know if they will let me be in the room where they prep her, then with her in recovery after, or if I’ll be kept out away from her. While this is a procedure which might result in her going home the same day, it’s also possible she will be kept overnight or even two days. Given her general weakness right now, I suspect they will keep her at least one night.

They say this procedure, the ablation, works 95% of the time. I think that’s what they told us. Such odds don’t sound to good to me. Which got me to thinking thoughts I don’t really want to think. You know what I mean. What if it doesn’t solve the a-fib problem? What if her body isn’t strong enough to come through the procedure? What if——. Thoughts you don’t want to think. Fortunately, I have access to God through prayer, and an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ. While I’ll have reading material with me tomorrow, I suspect I’ll be praying more than reading.

If you read this shortly after it’s posted, please say a prayer for Lynda, as she will be in the midst of the procedure. If you read this later in the day on Friday, say a prayer, as she will be in recovery. If you read it anytime later, say a prayer for success of the procedure and her return to something closer to a normal life, being able to be active again.

America, Bible study, book reviews, Christianity

Book Review: The Harbinger

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While we were in Orlando in May-early June, we took a morning to go to a Books-a-Million store near where we needed to pick up some first aid supplies. Lynda cut her foot on a barnacle-encrusted rock at the beach and had stitches. I also needed to take care of something at the pharmacy. Our errand completed, we went around the corner to the book store.

This book has an important message for the USA, but they way that message is presented rates it 2-stars from me.

That’s a favorite activity of mine, to go to a book store (or a library works just as well) and browse, select, read while drinking coffee, and probably not buy. On this day I bought a writer’s magazine, and Lynda bought The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn. Cahn is a Messianic Jew, and Lynda listens to his podcasts. I’ve listened some too, but haven’t heard them enough, or paid attention enough (I’m always multi-tasking) to get a good feel for what his message is. This book was our evening reading for much of June.

The subtitle of the book is “The Ancient Mystery That Hold The Secret of America’s Future”. The book essentially draws out parallels that Cahn sees between Isaiah 9:10-11 and the events of 9-11 and the years since then. It’s a warning—a harbinger—for America, to turn back to God.

In Isaiah, God’s protection was prophesied to be removed from Israel (the Northern Kingdom) and, because their response to God’s rebuke was incomplete, another judgment would fall on Israel. This happened to Israel, just as Isaiah prophesied.

The literary technique used by Cahn is a dialog, or actually two dialogs, between Nouriel and 1) an investigative reporter named Ana and 2) an unnamed prophet. It was this prophet who gave Nouriel a series of seals. Nouriel had to investigate what the seals meant. As he followed the clues, the prophet would suddenly appear and help him to understand what the seals meant, what Israel went through, and what the USA was going through.

I find it difficult to find any fault with what Cahn says in the book concerning the fate of the USA. He could well be right that we are on a declining leg of our up and down history, and there may not be a future up leg. Our zenith may indeed have happened and it’s all down from here. Cahn doesn’t lay out a litany of what’s wrong with America. Simply that we as a nation have turned away from God; that 9-11 was evidence that the hand of God’s protection has been removed from us; that we did not respond to that warning with repentance and turning but with defiance and bravado; that other judgments have come upon us and are still coming. I won’t say he’s incorrect about any of those. The book was copyrighted in 2011, and much has happened since then.

However, Cahn’s literary vehicle was not good. In fact, I’d call it bad. The dialogs between Nouriel and the prophet and Nouriel and the reporter were tedious and repetitive.  The seals were a contrivance to build the story on. A simple statement of the message Cahn wants to give (Wake up, America! Wasn’t 9-11 enough? Wasn’t the Panic of 2008 enough?) could have been given in 100 pages or less instead of the 253 pages in the paperback we read.

He could have avoided the silliness of the seals. He could have spared us the endless dialog, and scenes of lower Manhattan or of various places in Washington D.C., where Nouriel and the prophet met up. Rabbi Cahn, if you read this, those things detracted from your message, they didn’t add to it.

It seemed that every night as we read, and I waded through the dialog or descriptions of what was on a fictitious seal, I would say aloud, “Well, he just lost 5 stars,” or “No way I can give this 4 stars.” In fact, if I post a review on Amazon, I will likely give it 2 stars. It would be 1 star for organization and writing, but higher for message.

In my mind, this book is not a keeper. I don’t ever plan on reading it again. Lynda will likely want to keep it. So on the shelf it will go.

Bible study, book reviews, Christianity

Book Review: “Daniel”

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As we continue to try to whittle down our inventory of books by pulling some off the shelf or out of piles that look like they will be good to read but not necessary to keep, my wife pulled Daniel off the shelf. It’s a Bible commentary volume by J. Vernon McGee, based on his radio “Through The Bible” broadcasts.

Every now and then I would catch McGee’s program while driving in the Kansas City area back in the late 70s/early 80s. Years and years later, in the first decade of this century (I think), I would catch it again sometimes. I enjoyed the program. The latter round was just a re-broadcast of the earlier programs, with a new intro added.  I think Lynda picked up this book at a yard sale or thrift store. I know we didn’t buy it new.

It was an okay book. McGee’s broadcasts were for the layman and, since this volume is said to be more or less a transcript of his broadcasts (slightly modified as would be needed for a book), it’s easily read and provides some good information and explanations of the book of Daniel. I’ve read many other commentaries as I do my Bible studies and prepare to teach adult Sunday school, and find them almost written for scholars by scholars, not for laymen. This aspect of the book I liked.

I found the organization difficult. Where Daniel had his visions or where he interpreted the dreams of others, McGee put the  commentary of the interpretations with the dreams/visions, rather than hold them for the verses of the explanations. Then, when he got to the verses of the explanations, he had nothing to say but to repeat what he had already said. It seems to me that if the Bible is clear, the commentator shouldn’t have to say much. Of, if the Bible repeats itself (as it sometimes does), the commentator should say little. McGee did that to some extent, but perhaps not enough.

In his defense, it’s a tough thing to write a commentary in a repetitive situation. I don’t think I could do any better. McGee also did a good job sorting out the historical context. The Bible doesn’t give a list of the Babylonian kings, or those of the Medes and Persians. That has to be obtained from non-biblical sources. McGee gives that info—a good thing.

Right after reading McGee’s book, we got out the Matthew Henry concise commentary and Daniel read that, sort of as an exercise. When I’ve used Henry’s commentary before, I found it different than others, having more of a insights for living a Christian life feel to it than just a technical explanation of the Bible. I thought, therefore, we might gain some of those insights. Alas, it wasn’t as good for that purpose as I hoped it would be. It’s still a good commentary; just not something you can read as sort of a devotional.

I’m glad we read McGee’s book. I give it either 3 or 4 stars. But it is not a keeper. Today it will go on the sale/donate table. Nor will I go out of my way to acquire any others in the series. It’s good, but not good enough in our era of dis-accumulation.